The Surprising Key to Building a Healthy Relationship that Lasts | Maya Diamond | TEDxOakland

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Published 2019-02-11
Why do some relationships thrive while others fail? Maya Diamond, MFT, MA, Expert Dating & Relationship Coach, has spent over 10 years helping singles find and maintain a loving and healthy relationship. In this talk, she shares the surprising key to a healthy and lasting relationship, the most common blocks to using this key, and how to remove the blocks. Discover how to have the relationship you truly desire and deserve. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
All Comments (21)
  • @eps4560
    1. Accessability 2. Responsiveness (healthy skilled) 3. Engagement
  • @OakCliffTX82
    Just because one person is willing to share, doesn’t obligate the other person to listen. Both parties need to be emotionally and mentally available to communicate. So unloading on your emotions on your unsuspecting spouse, then getting your feelings hurt because they weren’t emotionally available or didn’t reciprocate isn’t fair. It’s one sided. Maybe instead say “hey, can we talk for a minute”, or “I really need to talk to you”. A big mistake people often have, is looking at marriage as “what can I get out of this relationship, that I may be lacking”. Nature hates a vacuum, so we look to supplement our shortcomings w/ people who fill a void. That’s a mistake because it puts unspoken expectations on people... who are also flawed and looking to fill their own shortcomings. This isn’t a healthy balanced relationship, because you aren’t seeing someone for who they are or what they could be.... but rather what you want/need them to be. True relationships flourish when people find fulfillment in serving others, especially when it’s inconvenient. When you surround yourself will other people who are of a likeminded “servant leadership”, you’ll have a village of people looking to encourage growth in one another, instead of subconsciously looking to have their own needs met. Unspoken/unfulfilled expectations are the death of most relationships. And most people aren’t self aware enough to even realize they have these expectations, let alone examine how that impacts others. That’s my biggest problem with most “relationship experts”. They want to tell you HOW to fix things, without really examining the root of the issue. When you realize the purpose of relationships, beyond the physical & emotional fulfillment, then you’ll understand the HOW. It won’t be a “date night” checklist. It will be done out of a genuine desire to meet the needs of your partner
  • @TourGuide_MoRa
    I have never been in any relationship before as I'm a Muslim, but I find these advises very useful , so i wish all the creatures on planet find happiness and truly love in their lives❤
  • @sjgrall
    Great talk, and aligns with all I’ve learned over the past decade. I have a lot to offer a future partner, but I will not settle for someone that isn’t emotionally responsive anymore.
  • @neorev01
    Fifth block: your spouse has a bad day nearly every single day and you become overwhelmed with her problems and eventually run out of empathy and need to block out her complaining to keep your own sanity. I do like this talk but the first step is to be with someone emotionally healthy to begin with, then follow this advice so you dont mess it up
  • @johnwilliams4238
    Really succinct summary of lots of research, and I love the practical suggestions at the end.
  • @TheStephanotis
    "Every 13 seconds a couple in the United States is breaking up." Who is keeping that stat?
  • @hanane8480
    Sharing emotions and simply complaining are two different things
  • @beckiFtromance
    The content is so great that it concludes most relationship problems.😲
  • @fayepanaraag8898
    Love is an action word. Love is an energy you're supposed to offer to a deserving human being otherwise it is being wasted and neglected, the effect is living in a miserable relationship with a spouse.
  • @5MinutePsychology
    Who would want nowadays to make an effort and work on a relationship? Isn’t so much easier just throw away a toy when it becomes imperfect? In all seriousness though, it’s great that there are so many people willing to build healthy and lasting relationships.
  • @onepercentruleeveryday
    building great relationships is the key to an amazing networking. And, networking is the key to finding the right people who you can help out, and who can help you in return!:)
  • @kjensen40
    The problem is that people can be emotional responsive for a while in the beginning - until you fall in love. Then they become distant and unresponsive. You end up trying to make it work for far longer than we should.