Communication is ruining your relationships | Beth Luwandi Lofstrom | TEDxGustavusAdolphusCollege

Relationship needs connection. Connection needs communication. One thing that helped us build that strong connection and its really funny.. was this couples questions game "Lovify". It gave us a way to communicate our feelings without any argument ❤

Empathy, Respect, Connection 1. I feel... 2. I want... 3. Can you help?

I saw this clip 4 years ago.... I've used it in my relationships since then. And it has NEVER failed me. 😂

Non Dominating Communication: 1. I feel... 2. I want... (Not asking something from you) 3. What do you think? / Can you help? You can take a no; you're already taking it! This style of communication resists the urge to control the other person. Be aware when you want to control the response from the other person, which actually means you want to control them!

This “I feel / can you help” dynamic is so obviously better for both sides than the “When you do X you make me feel Y” that is usually taught. No blame, no guilt, and you leave the other person able to decide how they want to help. Brilliant.

Love this. So clean and simple. The pattern of communication she is promoting seems just like what we normally do when we don’t feel a strong need to control the outcome. “I feel hungry. I want to get a pizza. How about you?” (Then observe.) It gives the other person space to weigh in. For me, the challenge is to be aware when I want to control the outcome - and then realize I cannot really do that - so consciously avoid the domination pattern. Practicing this in many contexts not only makes me a better friend or partner, it also (through observation) leads to a better selection of friends, partners, and even service providers.

This is one of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard. It really changed my life. I was going through a breakup because of my poor communixation skills when I found this video and this really helped me to be a better person. I really recommend this and thank you so much for the guidance.

I just finished watching this, and I'm honestly speechless. These are the kind of talks teachers should be having with their learners in Life Skills

A relationship needs mutual respect and effort. If only one tries all the time and the other just refuses to do anything for the relationship it won't work.

She uses the technique she describes in the end when she pretty much asks for applause. She’s brilliant

great video and experience . also had a great expereince with my man last night with natural drops spanish fly And I am telling you, he will never forget it !!!

The title is click bait. It should be BAD Communication Is Ruining Your Relationships

I don't like the title because I don't think it's true, but I like what she says. This is all in the way you're communicating.

The title definitely needs to change. She is still talking about learning how to communicate on a different level. Perhaps "Communication Tips for Healthier Relationships"

I think sometimes I overcomunicate when wronged. I think I can over text when I’m upset. I think I’m learning to calm down before texting or on the phone. I hate arguing. I’m definitely a communicator but I think I sometimes when upset can over communicate also. Working on that though because sometimes you can ruin relationships by how you respond. It’s important to think about what we say before we say it. Wrong words can damage relationships.

Agree with previous comments. Poor choice of title for a super excellent talk with a diamond of wisdom. Succinct, pithy, powerful, practical, and wonderful. Excellent work!!! Thanks for sharing with the world!

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear! I hope this helps me with my family

This was amazing! My man and I had to learn this the hard way but it's true. The more we listen to eachother, and give equal respect to eachother's mental, emotional & physical needs, the more healing we can get as well as give in the relationship. Even when it's been difficult seeing eye-to-eye for a long time. Thanks for this!

I think this is the TED that will save countless relationships. I feel empowered. I can't wait to use this on people around me. Thanks You!

Thanks a lot I'm trying to change my perspective of things and my whole life and this is very helpful.