How longing keeps us from healthy relationships | Amanda McCracken | TEDxCU
197,548
Published 2023-09-29
Amanda McCracken is a journalist passionate about experiences that highlight the intersection of wellness, travel, and relationships. Her work has been published in The New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, Vogue, National Geographic, Elle, NPR, Outside, ESPN, and Runner’s World. The BBC and Katie Couric have interviewed her about longing. For 15 years, McCracken worked as an instructor at CU’s International English Center. Originally from Cincinnati, Boulder has been home since 2003. When McCracken’s not writing, she’s caring for her daughter, running trails with her husband, or editing her podcast The Longing Lab. McCracken is also a certified massage therapist and triathlon coach. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
All Comments (21)
-
healthy love happens when we are not in a position of weakness - when we are not afraid of loss and when we are not waiting for someone to fill in a gap in us. Longing for the hero is an illusion , a mirage. it would be better if the person works on themselves and get rid of addictive attachement.
-
Longing is another way to say "it's not the destination, it's the journey". I've been on a spiritual path for the past few years and have trained my brain to live more in gratitude than longing for what I don't have. The same way she said longing is like a muscle, gratitude is also like a muscle. You gradually begin to not crave the drama or the dopamine of pursuing something fleeting but can be centered and calm, cultivating and accessing that love within yourself.
-
"you allow your heart to hurt bad enough to make a change." 😮💨
-
Nothing wrong with saving the goodies for someone who respects them and respects himself.
-
Thank you. What a beautiful conclusion: learn to receive love, not to long for it
-
8:28 “Neuroscience says that our brain is actually wired to crave what we don’t have…that’s why studies show that our brains release more dopamine when we’re planning a vacation rather than actually taking it” I think a lot of dopamine releases when recalling experiences like vacations taken in the past relative to the realities settled in, hence the longing and its effect as well.
-
im learning to love without the yearning nor the expectations around it, it's so freeing
-
What a fantastically cool, calm and intelligent delivery of a topic that is very difficult to talk about. Can apply to almost everyone in some area of their life. Thank you!
-
Very enlightening..needed to hear this. Explains why I scroll and 'collect' art tutorials just hoping... longing to be better Artist. BUT not doing the work. Light bulb moment thank you. I do hope many others listen, take note and go forward away from LONGING .
-
That's why we need to stop longing and be grateful in the present moment.
-
“What happens when you find that you would rather feel pain than nothing at all? You allow your heart to hurt bad enough to make a change.” -11:11
-
Longing to be nurtured tbh. This video hit me more than my parents did💀
-
Wow I admire you for not giving into society expectations for women to give themselves physically without a proper relationship. You seem like someone of integrity and hope you give us more insights into how to keep to the right way in a world that encourages the opposite
-
I needed this so very much. No person/place can make you whole it can only create bigger hole that could ever be filled. Trust providence.
-
Really happy a woman is speaking up on this. Glad to hear someone being a thought leader regardless of culture, and standing on not wanting to give your body away. Because hook ups and FWB relationships are really backfiring on women it's ruining the potential for meaningful relationships....
-
The Rom-Coms we all watched in the 80’s & 90’s, were all about the chase and the main character was the only person who mattered. If you rewatch the romcoms again, look at the characters that surround the main characters. What do they all have in common? They all live through the lens of being the main character’s life coach. They do not have meaningful relationships and they all have one role to play, being the so called sibling or best friend that helps console the main character and to always support the main character, no matter how badly they are treated.
-
wow such an interesting insight on longing! I'll have to think more about it, as longing has been such a bug part of my identity. And now I see how it can become an addictive neurological pattern. I long for love so much that I end up avoiding it, so I can feel a spike of dopamine again and again.
-
I really enjoyed this video about longing and its effects on our relationships. Amanda McCracken shared her personal experiences and talked about how society can make longing feel addictive and not so good for us. She questioned whether longing is the answer to our unhappiness and reminded us to believe in our own worthiness of love. Her message about going with the flow of life and letting go of control for healthier relationships was powerful. It's a great reminder to appreciate what we have and not always wish for more. Thanks for sharing this insightful perspective on longing and love! 💕🌟🤗
-
I'm going through the same struggle. It's all about dopamin and addiction to love.
-
Summed up my life scenario so far. And it came at the perfect time. I needed this reality check.
