Do You Have Post Betrayal Syndrome? | Debi Silber | TEDxCherryCreekWomen
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Published 2020-01-07
Dr. Debi Silber, founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute in New York and pbtinstitute.com/ is a holistic psychologist, a health, mindset, and personal development expert. She's an award-winning speaker, coach and author of the Amazon #1 Bestselling book: The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind and Life After a Life Crisis, The Unshakable Woman-The Workbook (the companion guide to the book).
Debi has contributed to FOX, CBS, The Dr. Oz show, TEDx, The Huffington Post, Shape, Self, Health, Working Mother, Forbes, Psychology Today, WebMD, Ladies Home Journal, Woman's World and Glamour to name a few. Her doctoral study led to three discoveries around how women experience and heal from betrayal. Based on her findings, along with 27 years of health, mindset and lifestyle coaching, Dr. Debi has created a proven multi pronged approach to help women heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from a life crisis, specializing in betrayal. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
All Comments (21)
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the most tragic thing about betrayal is that it never comes from an enemy...
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The worst part about betrayal, I think, is the shock. It kind of puts you in this place where you think anyone is capable of anything, and from there it's very easy to never let anyone back in.
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The worst part is that it's the one you'd never have imagined in your wildest dreams, would destroy you or have a wish to. It's never an enemy, it's the one you trusted completely, the one you loved with all your heart and let into every aspect of your life. It's beyond devastating.
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I grieve for the man I thought he was, for the future I thought we had, the one person who knew all of me. But what she left out, I grieve for the ability to trust myself to protect myself. That’s the one part I can’t get past. It also affected all of my friendships. I sabotaged them to keep myself safe. The loneliness is overwhelming but I don’t know how to heal this part.
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Her description of betrayal trauma is exactly on target. It changes you. I feel like an empty shell of my former self and I don’t see a path towards transformation. I’ve lost all motivation and enthusiasm for life itself. This is the trauma that’s invisible to the rest of society. No one really understands the pain of a betrayal, except for those of us who live with it.
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“Even though it was done to you, it wasn’t about you,” very well said.
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One relationship where I was really betrayed and hurt I literally look like I aged 10 years in one year. I really can’t believe I didn’t have a heart attack because of my profound grief. But after this last betrayal, I highly doubt I will ever be able to trust anyone again. There was no red flags with these betrayals. There’s no way of telling a good guy from a bad guy nowadays because they are such good liars
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Fun fact - if we're able to keep our nervous systems regulated we grieve appropriately for being betrayed and move past it pretty easily. But due to the PLETHORA of CPTSD and PTSD floating around from childhood trauma it's REALLY easy for many of us to get stuck in a vicious and dangerous cycle of Self-betrayal.
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"its hurts so much bcz on some level we know its intentional"
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What betrayal taught me was to never be attached to the amazing happiness that a partner can bring. You could give everything to a person, walk over broken glass and one day they can decide for whatever reason they are not happy. Instead look for your happiness in other things.
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Videos like this are so helpful. My health insurance doesn't cover therapy, so when I can't see anyone, I watch youtube videos from counselors and therapists. It helps to have my feelings validated and not feel so alone. Thank you sister for this blessing of a video 🙏🏼
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It's weirdly comforting for me to hear that there's actual research to back up that there are physical responses to betrayal.
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Betrayal is betrayal, once it's done to you, it's hard to trust, even after reconciliation🙏🏻.
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Once my house is rebuild there's no letting the destroyer back in. That's my lesson learned.
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For someone fighting back tears at my desk, thank you for helping to paint a picture of something that I have really struggled to understand, manage, and overcome.
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Betrayal taught me that life is very unpredictable and nothing is constant, everything and everyone changes.
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It's my greatest wish that this talk finds it's way to the people who are struggling to heal from a painful experience with betrayal. Please share with those who'd benefit from it. Thank you!
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Never reconcile with a betrayer under any circumstances.
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It is intentional and you never see it coming when it hits you. A good person doesn't even let their mind go to the place of a betraying person. So when it hits you it is devastating. It's unbelievable that someone could do this to another person. A person they say they love. Yeah right.
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I cried through that entire speech it was very moving to me. I loved someone for many years, someone who betrayed and hurt me so badly. I learned to heal through the trauma to be able to love myself and others again. It definitely made me stronger. I haven't been in a relationship in over 7 years. I rebuilt myself and chose to live and love my life.
