What Matters More Than Truth in Narcissistic Relationships

And they never think their behavior is the problem

narcissists aren't just communication clowns, they're the entire circus. their gaslighting, stonewalling and silent treatments when asked questions they don't like, exposes their immaturity. that’s why narcissists never grow - instead they rot from the inside. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

Narcissists always want you to feel bad when they are unsatisfied,, I don’t understand why they don’t want to feel good with people,😊

Whats more important to them imo is the narratives they set and expect others to follow. Its their world and fantasy while to many others its a twisted, whirlwind nightmare.

When narcissists constantly lie it keeps us in a state of vigilance questioning everything they do and is not good for our mental and emotional health too. The constant state of doubt is emotionally exhausting.

Brilliant. I remember that obsession with wanting them to cop to the truth. It kept me stuck for years and my family thought I was nuts. Any attempt to get the truth was always met with denial, gaslighting, stonewalling, or deflecting. We have to get OK with the fact that most of the time we will never know the exact truth or get a confession. What matters is getting to a SAFE place with our sanity intact.

Betrayal and lying is their natural form. Why will they see anything wrong with it?

Iif you make the mistake of confronting the narcissist about their lie they double down.

I just found out my ex spent about 10x what I expected would be the cost of an improvement to a jointly owned property. The improvement was not necessary and I did not want it. He told me in front of a large number of people about the cost. I was expected to understand that it wasn’t his fault, the contractor kept raising the price. I was later shamed by one of his siblings for not understanding that this “wasn’t his fault”. I am not allowed to be shocked when I was betrayed by my money being spent behind my back.

I no longer bother. I'm healing myself, I know who they are now and I just don't care. I see nothing in their eyes. They need my love and hate. They need me to BE them. I give nothing

that's exactly what happened to my "friends", they lied to me, took advantage of me, humiliated me. Discovering narcissism allowed me to cut them out of my life once and for all.

It's interesting how just this morning I randomly remembered a series of events that happened early in my marriage (during my pregnancy) which all pointed to my then-spouse being unfaithful. I was going to ask him about this, but then I thought... Nah! What's the point? He won't tell me the truth and will confuse me more. I tried to be content with not knowing. It doesn't make a real difference considering we're separated and I'll never go back to him. The bottom line is that he has betrayed me in so many ways and I know I can never trust him. No matter what he says I'll always have a margin for doubt. So, what's the point of asking? I'm just glad I'm not with him so although it wasn't fair and it makes me angry I'm just counting my blessings for being out of that toxic relationship. Thank you... your post was a special godsend today. 🙏

My story Dr Ramani. True detective in search of truth. Thank you for pointing out that it's not about demonstrating the lies but about the cruelty of the behavior.

HOW WE ARE TREATED! I've been struggling with this for the last few weeks in an incident with my friends. I saw some terrible behaviors come out of my friends that crossed so many of my boundaries and shot up so many red flags. I know the truth of the situation, but it was their behavior as I was trying to talk about the truth and THEIR ACTIONS that hurt me. The way they treated me is intolerable. Their selfishness was intolerable. That hurt me. I brought it up that they hurt me, and they didn't even care. They mumbled "sorry" a few times, but they weren't sorry. What they did was deliberate, and it hurt me. I am allowed to be hurt by people's careless, selfish actions. It's so hard for me to remember that I am allowed to be hurt after a lifetime of being scapegoated and dumped on. I played the last minute of the video a few times to help it sink in. This is not a safe relationship, and these are not safe people. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I really needed this message today.

The gaslighting is UNREAL 😢

What’s even worse than the betrayal is that they proclaim to be the most honest/truthful person anyone will ever encounter, and infer that you are the liar when they gaslight you. I absolutely felt like a detective in my own home daily. Not only did I not feel safe, he proclaimed his only intention “ever” was to make me feel safe, and that he did a great job of accomplishing just that! Oh, and I was just ungrateful for all he did. 🤦‍♀️

It is amazing how quickly they can respond to accusation with lies, deflection, and gaslights. I dont even understand how you can come up with a false story so quickly.

This really hit home. You're absolutely right as always, the problem is the cruelty, not the lie. Thanks Dr. Ramani.❤

Thank you Dr Ramani it is about recognising their appalling treatment of us and they never accept any accountability because this would challenge that false mask that they believe in about themselves. Thank you , you are so precious and you save lives.

I dont remember my dad raging at me, but he would belittle, ignore, and make fun of any disagreements or challenges or requests of him or any expressions of emotion and hurt from his behavior. He didn’t need to rage at me, I remember being so scared of him, and I was considered the “good child”. His manipulations were enough to emotionally pummel the ability to speak up for myself. This video has been so helpful because I still -even after being no contact for 10 years - am STILL finding myself trying to figure out “how to explain why I’m no contact” with him. He wrote me a letter a couple of years ago asking, and it continues to be so tempting to get sucked back in and respond! And it’s exactly this, I have to keep reminding myself that the truth is not going to change anything with him. It never did in the past. I think I’ll be coming back to this video often.