Childhood Neglect and the Attraction to People Who Don't Care About You

Needed to hear this and it helped immensely to process a situation that came up recently without getting in a cycle of dysregulation and destructive behaviour. After following this channel for about a year listening to one of your video's became a great tool to regulate as well.

I’m in the same boat, where I don’t feel people care or ask about me. Where I think they want me to be agreeable instead of a whole person. When dating now, I keep finding people who do not hold space for me. It’s annoying, and I’m learning not to dismiss those feelings

Who feels anxious right now?

I have gotten to a place where if someone does care it’s a bonus in my life. I’ve had to learn to care for myself. Then I learned I’m the only one who CAN care for me the way I need. And I’ve been doing it so long that the thought of letting someone care for me distresses me.

It is so difficult to move past abandonment issues. They creep back up years after you think they’ve been resolved

Feelings of “no one cares” is very real and I am 73 now. And in lots of cases it’s true. When I’m at my lowest my it haunts me eventhough I have two family members who care. Perhaps out of obligation or whatever is their reason. And believe me, many many seniors feel abandoned because they really are. Or they do not want to be a burden. So yes, early traumas that have been worked thru previously can return and haunting when you are at your lowest and most vulnerable since childhood. May the Force Be With You All.

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." Robin Williams What has helped me is to determine what each friend is: a giver or a taker. With most people you know right away. Avoid takers in your life.

I'm definitely not attracted to people who do not care about me anymore. My boundaries are strong. It is largely why I presently have no people: In the last several years I have let those with whom relationships were one-sided go, and surprise! No one is left. I know there are people in the world who will care, and will show up, I'm just not sure how to meet them. Each time I have met someone with whom I've felt there could be friendship, ultimately there have been stumblings and little hurts needing repair or more information, but that's when others stop showing up or they think it can be sorted via text, where tone and texture are often lost, and things actually worsen as a result. I want to do relationship with folks who check in to meet difficulty, not out, and it has been so, so hard to co-create.

James you ain't alone brother!

I think it is really hard to outgrow friends. For me, it’s not only not wanting to be alone (but realizing that I feel alone with them anyway), it’s also that I’m still learning how to accept, feel, and process my feelings. And, by extension, the sadness I feel at the loss of friendship. You have to grieve when your body needs it. Grieving feels hard and scary alone and I end up avoiding it. I’m slowly but surely picking away at it as I get stronger, and the thoughts and feelings of “they weren’t the right people for me” get louder.

This is the first time I have heard someone share the same experience about having a breakdown in the first year of college. My breakdown was so severe, I had to quit college and it lasted for many years. (Depression and severe panic attacks) I am so grateful to be on the other side of all of the pain, though a lifetime of acute trauma has taken a toll. One day at a time there is freedom!

"Nobody cares about you"....Mommy Dearest ......she still wants her daughter to be greatfull and shames her for complaining

Sometimes I feel like the person who doesn’t care about me, actually needs the care the most.

I feel nothing from people and I feel nothing for people completely dead feeling on the inside.

I started my new job and the trauma came flooding in i use to work in the morning cry every night had so much anxiety till i quit and worked in my healing i am 24 . Your trauma will catch you in the worst possible times

Once again. I can really relate. I’m 67 and it’s still causing pain and grief. At this point, I’ve tried so much. I just don’t think it can be fixed. I am happier now accepting my fate.

Thank you for this. I see more clearly how my parents worked hard to normalize their neglect of my brother and I. I just found a new counselor to replace the one who retired, and this one's well-versed in romantic limerence, my biggest challenge right now. The on-and-off-again attention is just what I grew up with. I healed a lot with my late beloved 2nd husband, but I still have this bread-crumb hunting reflex. It's the dopamine fix from withheld attention suddenly being piled on. Crazy-making.

Once after a surgery, a friend told me don't think people don't care. But I was hoping they would visit me, it should be normal things but some took their time. It's also important to be near people who are available, especially when you have a difficult moment. Ultimately people say they are too busy. But it's a question of priority. Now I try not to expect too much and think that people will be there if they want to be.

Yes, indeed. This struggle is very relatable. The sensation others really don't care is such a hurtful one. In addition comes the lack of trust that when others actually do reach out, they really mean it and will stick around. Healing takes time but getting there. Hoping the best for James and others here, too.

Its not a feeling that no one cares, its a fact.