Friendship Skills For People Who Didn't Learn This At Home

This was soooo helpful. I wrote down 3 pages of notes, so I can read over it and look for ways to practice these skills. Thank you so much.

1. Pick the right people (write a list of qualities that are important to you in a friendship, and qualities you do not want.) 2. Be a good listener. (Don't relate everything back to yourself. Only listen for 30 minutes or only say something about what they're saying. Don't give unsolicited advice. Can compliment them, but not too much and keep it clean, not comparing yourself negatively so they have to say something about you.) 3. Follow up on anything important they share. See how they're doing in a while. 4. Believe in your friend and notice their potential and good qualities. We all have self-doubt and you can encourage them in those moments. 5. Show up for the hard stuff. Help them move house; give them a ride to the airport; sit with them while they grieve, etc. 6. Don't talk about them behind their back. Don't say anything you wouldn't say in their presence. Protect their identity. 7. Stay in touch with them.

“Who didn’t learn this at home” great title. Such a crucial topic. May this video blow up and go viral bc it is so crucial for so many people who don’t intercept these videos…

Anna, I tried your social experiment. I went to a party and decided to not talk about myself at all. Someone did asked about me and I answered briefly. I think friendship is very nuanced and hard to sustain. Parties are not a place one make friends. I also think our modern living, especially in the US is not conducive to making friends. People do have a hard time listen. Even if you do listen to everyone and are attentive, others are not reciprocal. I noticed that at the party. It is a very polite and superficial. It’s like we are all robots doing the same things. There’s something very disconnecting about it.

Somehow, at the age of 13, I figured out that most people like to talk, and few like to listen, and I became a good listener, being attentive, asking follow-up questions etc - and it does seem to attract people. Ironically I was drawn to watch this video, because I feel like I don't know how to make true friends. I've become such a good listener over all these years (I'm middle-aged now), that I inevitably end up being a "listening post" for most people. Your experience at the party in which no one asked you one question about yourself is my life. Whenever I do take the floor, and see the other's eyes glaze over - or see them look past me at something over my shoulder (and not paying attention) - I immediately lose interest in talking. All this to say that, though I get invited places, and people "seem" to like me, it has slowly dawned on me that they're not necessarily interested in me - and I need to change my ways if I ever hope to make real friends.

I remember my momma’s advice about making friends as an adult. Volunteer. Pick an area YOU like. I love dogs so after a divorce and a company transfer/relocation, I volunteered to walk shelter dogs in the new city. Still have those girlfriends even after 30 years.

Friends are people you choose to have in your life. They add to a balanced life, and allow us to grow and learn. Quality friendships require disclosure and depth-not an easy task, especially for the traumatized!

Hey! I CAN be a good friend! I've been painfully aware of my lackluster friendship skills but just the other day my neighbor told me she was dreading taking her cat to the vet because her cat is a drama queen. I asked her "Would it help if I go with you?" She was delighted I offered and the whole experience turned out to be a positive one. I'm glad I'm getting better at this business of making friends because life without friends is very lonely. I'll practice listening more. Thanks!

There are two kinds of people I naturally avoid: those who only talk about themselves and those who only ask me questions and don't reveal anything about themselves. I don't like to talk about myself and was told that others don't trust people who are hard to know - can't disagree! Friendship is a balanced relationship where both sides give and receive depending on actual needs and life situations.

I realized from this video that I ended friendship with people who were true friends and am still hanging with people who did not show up for me when I was going through a tragedy

I’ve never had trouble making friends as many people have told me “I feel like I can tell you anything” .. I just don’t have it in me to keep people around. I always keep one foot out of any relationship is case I need to jet

I like when it comes naturally. Not forcing anything anymore.

Maybe its just me....I definitely suffered complex childhood trauma. I studied neuroscience - learned about abhorrent psychology - identified issues in myself and my family of origin. However, I feel like after doing all of this deep dive into psychology and learning to be present, learning to go deep, learning intimacy, it feels like most of the society is just shallow and not even worth it? People seemed to "remember" me when I was on social media. I don't use social media and don't want to but I notice that because I don't, people literally forget who I am. But if I was on their "stories" or "tl" maybe their attention span could afford to remember me. Idk. The world just seems too busy on the rat wheel, consuming media and trying to pay bills to invest in new people. People surely do remember me when they need help or guidance tho.

The tough thing is that I've always ALWAYS felt threatened by good, healthy people, with very few exceptions. I'm in a 15 year drought finding deep connection and trust in friendship. I've been alone for so long I get very nervous around men in my season of life. I have great understanding as to the roots of this panic and maimed psyche but it's there, hard to feel different to give myself a chance at feeling healthy around potential friends

I have such a hard time NOT giving unsolicited advice, especially about health, since I know a lot about it! I just want to help people! But I do realize most people don't want advice.

Quite honestly if you can actively listen to someone for 30mins, you’re most likely already one of their favourite people on earth 🙂

After I was diagnosed with cancer - just before everything was locked down with Covid - I discovered who my friends weren't. Literally two people asked me how I was doing during all the months of isolation. The rest of them had no idea if I was alive or dead, and presumably didn't care either way. Two years later I did hear from one of my former so called friends. She texted me to ask me if I would help her with something she was struggling with. I politely declined and blocked her.

Had a tough time finding friends and also recognising what and who qualities for a good friend. After a lot of hurt pain and bitter lessons I have learnt how to distinguish between soul friends and fair weather friends. This video is a gem for me.

Would you mind doing a video about hurt parents raising kids and not passing the hurt on to them, please? Thank you! What wonderful videos!

Thank you for this video! I am only sceptical about the advice on listening. As another viewer mentioned, I have experienced the downside of listening too much. Being naturally shy and introverted, I am used to letting other people talk and would rarely speak about myself unless asked a direct question.
 I've noticed that most people enjoy being the centre of attention, talking about their own lives, but show minimal interest in others. And even if they do ask questions, it seems more out of politeness rather than a genuine desire to get to know the other person. The moment I start opening up and sharing, their attention wanes and they start looking at their phones. 
I have made a lot of "friends" like that, who seek me out solely to be heard. They even initiate hangouts with, "I have so much to tell you!" As a result, I do not consider them to be true friends. If anything, I need to learn how to balance listening with communicating my needs, and stop investing so much in these one-sided interactions.