Why Trauma Bonding Feels Like Love

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how does this phenomenal woman hit it on the head everytime. the examples she gives are always so simple yet poignant

The most valuable thing Dr. Ramani has taught me is trauma bonding. It helped me break away from my abuser after 2 years of outright confusion as to wtf was happening.

Inner Child fantasy. Often Inner Child seeks redemption. As a result we attract what's familiar.

At first it feels like love then it begins to feel like danger

When the narc is a parent, we have to stay, at least until we are old enough to leave. But likely the trauma bonds are so strong, and we are so brainwashed, it takes decades to figure out and escape.

In a dating relationship, I have a hard time understanding trauma bonding. I grew to strongly dislike the narcissist I dated because of the (you guessed it) terrible way he treated me. He was a narcissist’s narcissist. Lied, stole, cheated, manipulated, gas lighted, raged, dominated-you get my point. The best day of my life was the last time I hung up the phone and decided I would never talk to him again. I can honestly say I have never regretted my decision. Life with him was hell.

You stay because you’re desperate for love, don’t know what it isn’t, and are too exhausted to leave😂

After a lot of time passed without contact, I finally broke the addiction to the husband narcissist. It is now like I never knew him at all. I certainty never loved him, but I was definitely addicted to the source of my torture and chaos. I thought I deeply loved him then but it was only a hard-core addiction. 😢😮

Everything she said is absolutely correct. I see these behaviors repeatedly with individuals in toxic relationships as an adult mental health case manager. Workshops like this should be across different platforms (school, work, church, etc.) to help people be aware and break free from abusive relationships.

So true! Glad you said about the superficial things then the worse stuff, Gaslighting, EXPLOITIVE, Trauma Bonding, dehumanizing. Well said!🔥🔥🔥

Comes in all forms of relationships, friendships as well as romantic and family relationships

In his words 'free meals + f****s' laughingly and in my mind's eye, something felt off. I began getting chest pains in my efforts to remain by him. He was slowly destroying me, making me own his anxiety to his own convenience. He announced the end of the/our sentimental relation several times, wanting to break my self confidence. I am a strong woman. At first I stayed for 2.5 months, and slowly created distance by 'no contact'. His acting, panic crises and refusing to discuss anything became too uninteresting to want to be around. Yes, he blamed everyone but himself. And, he expected me to pursue him. I often felt manipulated and punished. Then he began downrating me in public. We were quite different. He was agnostic. I was brought up with strong Christian values. It hurt. But I left and sent his key back. By registered mail. Now he can continue smearing me. But it is becoming clear to everyone's eyes that he is lying. I can't help him.

My dad married a narc who’s turned him into a shell of his former self. He deserved much better but he’s so codependent I can’t help him. If I do he lashes out.

The good stuff lacks depth, but the bad stuff goes clear to the bone.

Omg! Yes. The superficial stuff! He takes me to concerts, vacations, cruises, expensive dinner... without me asking for a thing! But there is no emotional connection. He is very immature. And then when we fight that is all he talks about! All the good things he has done for me. Yes, the why do we stay! So confusing and exhausting!

A SHORT means someone chose to cut up the original interview. However the explanation was very clear why they stay, but to use Dr. Ramani's word, people stay because the narcissist OR toxic person "gives you enough good days to confuse you and enough bad days to break your heart" the CONFUSION is why people stay. I'm speaking from 14 years of experience. Also, she doesn't label EVERYONE a narcissist. She made it very clear in ALLLL of the many full interviews I have watched, narcissism is a PERSONALITY style, just like my personality style is AGREEABLENESS, which made me a great target for people like them. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS, like a person being given a (Major Depressive Disorder professional diagnosis) after multiple therapy sessions with a trained professional on NPD. There are more than you know out there and social media and Covid just exacerbated it. Watch full interviews of her if you truly want to understand what YOU'RE going through and not care so much about the "SUPERFICIAL" stuff, such as what correct name is giving to those people who make or have made OUR LIVES HELL.

I felt like I couldn't live without him. It felt like an addiction, not a good intense need to be there it was more like I felt pure panic when I wasn't with him.

I wish I had someone to talk to like Dr. Ramani. She hits all the right points. I’m definitely going through this right now and it’s affecting me terribly.

Yep. That's been me and why I'm single- again. However, I'm now in the learning stage and finding why I've done the "stupid" things I have. Why I've been divorced 3 times. Now, I'm just finding who I am and regaining the fun things that make me feel alive again after 20 years.