5 Common Reasons for Trauma Bonds + Abusive Relationships | Mental Health 101 | Kati Morton

Despite common belief, people who were abused as children are more likely to be abused as an adult.

😭😭 this just made me realize how broken I am. Every relationship my entire life has been this way. I give and give and it's never enough and I can never understand why.

As a teacher of teenagers who had dropped out, or been kicked out, of school (I helped them prepare to take the GED exam for the equivalent of a high school diploma & also to acquire certain life skills), I learned that the majority of these kids had suffered some form of abuse or neglect. Something I found tragic, but fascinating, was how they would often perpetuate, or even recreate, chaos & trauma (through drug & alcohol use, crime, cutting school, self-harm, eating disorders, putting themselves in dangerous situations, & more). Research led me to understanding that when a person has grown up surrounded by torment, turmoil, & confusing mixed messages, & that's all they know, it actually alters the structure & function of the entire nervous system, especially the brain, in very negative ways. Basically, these poor kids kept manifesting tumultuous circumstances because, somewhat paradoxically, a sense of insecurity & overwhelm actually felt NORMAL to them. Insecurity made them feel secure. Being unsafe made them feel safe. Over & over again, I saw how calm & peaceful circumstances gave rise to anxiety, nervous tension, agitation, etc. There wasn't enough going on, not enough stimulation. This blew my mind! My increased nderstanding really helped me in working more effectively with them. Talk about having the deck stacked against you....

Woowwwww Kati…. I did a self diagnosis of Stockholm’s after I I left my husband 5 1/2 years ago and realized how traumatized I was. You’re the first one that’s ever validated that. I thought once I got out I’d be back to what and who I was before but sadly realized that person is gone. Now I’m unrecognizable to others. I’ve been sick with one thing after the other and my life has not moved forward. I’ve become this person that doesn’t take care of themselves or their home. I can’t seem to get anything done no matter how hard I try. The other day I looked down at myself and said ‘I’ve become Rob’. And his abuse has continued through me. I’m abusing myself (unknowingly and unintentionally) by not taking care of myself. I know I need to get help. Every healthcare provider I see has told me. But I’m so overwhelmed with everything I have to do.

I had my first therapy session today, because of you! Thankyou for encouraging me to work on myself I really feel this can help my progression on working through my traumas. I feel positive about the future because of you!

“Tension building” is such a perfect phrase to describe the situation

I didn't know any of this and was so ashamed my entire life and never told anyone. Until something major and so simular to me that triggered everything 4 years ago. My therapist of 14 yrs started trauma therapy 4 yrs ago. When I received er your new book I brought it in to show my therapist. Shes known about you for years and watched the video when you answered my comment on a question on Ask me anything. We are currently working on the book The body keeps the score, so after I brought it i have not peeked in it at all yet. I asked her to hold it for me a little bit because of so much at the moment. She was happy to and is currently reading it too. Thank you for all you do! Take care, much love and hugs🥰🥰🥰

My journey in unpacking the devastation of a trauma bond to a narcissist led me all the way back to my birth. It took 2 yrs of self work. I was adopted. This has never been an issue for me, until I learned that my trauma bond to the narcissist was actually a ‘trauma response’ learned at birth. Fawning! It is one of 2 options left to a newborn when removed from birth mother. The other is freeze. A newborn cannot fight nor flee.. so fawning is a survival skill that kicks in, and stayed my whole life until now. Relearning who I am, how the brain and nervous system works etc is vital in understanding all that made me who I am. Healing 🙏 thanks for all you do. So helpful.

People in recovery from addiction patterns, we need to be aware of continuing to bond with enablers who had selfish motives to keep us active in addiction. One thing that helped for me and now those I guide is to start with a daily affirmation to take an inventory of how we are still being influenced enablers. Awareness and effort are key. Best wishes and practises to us all❤

I haven’t seen him for three months and I’m still so broken and missing him feeling like he’s the only one who will make me feel better again even though while being with him he was the one who broke me

This video is such a gift to so many of us. It is so affirming, especially after all of the shame from being neglected and abused. I still struggle with blaming myself for staying in relationships, jobs, etc after I saw red flags, only to go on and experience more and more abuse. I have a therapist I see twice a week but even still videos like this are invaluable. Thank you

Trauma bonding doesn’t just stop with sexual abuse, it’s manifested in so many dynamics/relationships.

Thank you, i know someone going through this. It helps me understand them.

Wow this hit home. The knowledge I am receiving since going to therapy is amazing.

I didnt realise how much i needed this. I've been so caught up for the past few weeks in understanding trauma bonding that it comes under literally what my social worker described as actively listening. I'd say this all definitely links into my relationship with my mum and not wanting to consciously see what was going on here.

Thank you Kati yesterday was the the mental health global day I wish you had made last night but OK I hope good health to all of those who struggle with mental health issues

Thank you Katie for verbalizing how our body’s react. I needed to hear that and need to speak it to myself frequently because of the shame and hatred felt internally after having experiences with abuse at a very very young age. Thank you so very much.

Kati, you're such a wonderful person ❤ thank you so much for making content like this so that people can get the help they need and heal ! Awareness is the first step towards a better life and this topic definetely needs to be talked about more !

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your channel and this upload you actually really really help me alot and you don't even know it and again i thank you so much for that i think your amazing x

Made me go from questioning one friendship I had to all of my past relationships. Every single one has been 0 to 100. Makes so much sense. Healthy love grows over time.💓