How to Figure Out What You Really Want | Ashley Stahl | TEDxLeidenUniversity

8,910,885

255,475 0

Published 2019-06-05

Have you ever wondered what you actually want? Then join Ashley Stahl–career coach, author, former counterterrorism and podcast host– as she shares her 3 key steps to help you connect to your life's purpose, discover your ideal career path, and make what she likes to call a "You Turn," the decision to get out of fear and tap into to what you actually want out of life. She hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, "the You Turn Podcast", with the intention of helping her listeners upgrade their mindset both in work and love, and land a new job they love. Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned podcaster, forthcoming author, and career coach who helps clients find their purpose, build their confidence, and launch successful service-based businesses. Ashley also hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, the You Turn Podcast, with the intention of helping listeners work on themselves, raise their confidence—all while taking life less seriously.

Ashley’s been named a “Top 99 Foreign Policy Leader Under 33” by Diplomatic Courier Magazine and Young Professionals in Foreign Policy. She’s a columnist for Forbes, and her work has been featured on the Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune and more.

Ashley earned her Master’s degree in IR from King’s College London, and another Master’s in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica. She holds a BA from University of Redlands in government, history and French. She's a fluent French speaker, and intermediate in Arabic. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

All Comments (21)

@hibathunaseerk.i5403 3 years ago

Dear younger self, I'm sorry for denying you opportunities because I chose fear over happiness.
@mafegarcia1180 4 years ago

You really hit me with the "Realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken along the way" I call myself a realist :(
@martinaruffovicino9007 2 years ago

it’s crazy how she managed to start the conversation with a traumatic situation and leaded it to the point of her talk. i love it
@bekacynthia 2 years ago

“Show up. See what the universe will give you. Make a commitment. And know that you can course-correct along the way.” Loved this advice!
@Ivylib 3 years ago

"Perfectionism is a mask we all wear when we're afraid of failure." Hits my heart.
@yahdood6015 3 years ago

Me sitting down to get clarity: Self: okay heart, what do we want? Heart: lol I don’t fking know Gut: chicken wings bro
@Bamblagram 2 years ago

9:44 Step 1 - Self Audit Ask yourself: What's working? What isn't working? Fear and criticism hold us back. What is something you are afraid to admit to yourself, what is something that you know is true that you wish wasn't? 12:30 Step 2 - Follow Your Freedom Follow what feels good to you. But how do you know what feels good to you? "Trust your gut" (way easier said than done) Pay attention to your feelings. Keep a joy journal- make a note of moments that light you up and inspire you. Ask how to connect your inspiration with skill. Because when we are acting through inspiration, there is an absence of fear. 16:30 Step 3 - Engagement " Clarity comes from engagement, it does not come from thought " Decide on something that feels good, and make a commitment. You can adjust along the way. Thought paralysis is far worse than doing things improperly- you don't learn anything by over analyzing but you always benefit from engagement. Overall a decent talk. Heard a lot of this stuff before- nothing groundbreaking and nothing insanely insightful. But she is a great speaker.
@Debaleena.S 4 months ago

My take aways:- 1. "Realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken along the way". 2. "Perfectionism is a mask we all wear when we're afraid of failure." 3. "Clarity comes from engagement ... it does not come from thought". 4. "See your career as an experiment that really meets you where you are. A vehicle for your own selfexpression." 5. “Show up. See what the universe will give you. Make a commitment. And know that you can course-correct along the way.” THANK YOU ASHLEY!!!! 💝
@charlesmerkel7332 2 years ago

Biggest take away was "Clarity comes from engagement ... it does not come from thought" -- Solid gold!
@akkahshhagarwaal79 3 years ago

"Perfectionism is the enemy of action." JUST GET STARTED.
@sennaroebroek1064 2 years ago

"See your career as an experiment that really meets you where you are. A vehicle for your own selfexpression." Love, love, love this!
@bjulianaleo3025 1 year ago

I'm 71 years old (Feel younger)...but that number sometimes boggles me with how fast I got here. The title of this talk somehow crossed my path, and I had to listen to this. I recently made a move to another State, alone. Made some lifestyle changes, in an effort to downsize. Moving to an area I knew nothing about, but the 'place' jumped out to me. It brought up some fears, and some exciting promises that I thought, perhaps I might re-write a story in my Self. Everything she mentioned, hit me like a gut punch. And brought up some anger too. What the heck am I afraid of! I've lived a life of fearful events (abuse), and yet I survived them. I did some good things (caregiving) for others, yet each time, I lost my own footing. I set my plans aside. I honestly don't feel like I have much time left, my Mom died at 84 - tho' my Dad died at 62. I purposefully changed lifestyle habits, to stay healthier. Now what do I do? THIS may be an old talk from 3 years ago - but IT might just be the thing I needed to hear Today, in 2023.
@erikacarrillo9796 3 years ago

I don't really have a dream.. this is why is hard to know what I want to do
@justenm287 3 years ago

To those apologizing to their younger selves. I understand that. But what if, Instead of apologizing to your past. Make a promise to your future self instead. To be inspired by pure positive emotions and your surroundings and to promise yourself to be happier and enjoy life.
@andreamassieldubonarguello7940 1 year ago

I am currently in the last semester of a career I studied because I thought would meet the expectations the world had for me, not because I actually liked it. Me, myself and I was the only one who kidnapped me from making the decision I really wanted. I was scared of not having the money, I was scared of not being good enough for something else. Honestly there is so much of me in this TED talk and so much that I needed to hear. We are our own kidnappers. Of course I'm still young and I'm sure I didn't waste my time. I just have to figure out what is it that I love and go for it, not settle to a career that doesn't make me happy.
@lailaalfaddil7389 9 months ago

The greater the automated income you can build, the freer you will become. Taking the first step is the hardest, but 5 houses later living off automated income since July 6, 2016. You’ve got to start taking steps to achieve your goal.
@Zesty__ 3 years ago

This TedTalk was just fantastic. She is a phenomenal speaker, shame the mic quality didn't match her.
@uravshukla 3 years ago

This entire talk has so many truth bombs that it feels like an attack😂
@ryanholden9977 1 year ago

This is honestly one of the best TEDTalks I've ever seen. The universe lead me to seeing this one tonight after I watched like seven other ones before yours. I'm starting my Joy journal tomorrow and I'm excited to make my u-turn! Thank you for sharing your story with us.
@Simplychinmayee 2 years ago

"People who Call themselves realists are the ones who got their heart broken somewhere along the way"....this woman is beyond genius. I'm SO SO glad I came across this video.