The exhausting reality of trying to make it work with a narcissist

The only narcissistic relationship that you should keep and will work is the one with your narcissistic cat.

Marriage to a narcissist is the only war, in which you're sleeping with the enemy. You can't expect loyalty from someone who can't be honest.

Realizing it was all a lie is devastating.

Nothing is ever good enough for them. They always find a way to criticize, find fault, make wrong. The only way to win is to walk away.

It's EXHAUSTING AF.

Living in the twilight zone is the worst… and neglecting yourself is a death sentence. Literally…

It’s a very exhausting, confusing and soul destroying type of relationship, AND the most unhealthy 😔

I was in survival mode for 50+ years. It was after 10 years away from narcissists… I began to realize my constant state of hyper vigilance. I just learned (in the last year) that it was narcissistic abuse. Now, at 68, I’m very protective of MY thoughts and feelings.

Forgetting who you are authentically, or never learning, is one of the most devastating parts of narcissistic relationships. And there are ripple effects so we must forge ahead and heal ourselves.

Thank you doctor. If I win the lottery I will build a hotel for victims of narcissistic abuse. I think many stay because they have no financial footing to support a move.

Get out now. It will save you years of heartache, confusion, illness, stress, worry, being used, lied to, abused, cheated on, and loss of your spirit

Overtly narcissistic people are tough to deal with, but at least it’s pretty clear who the enemy is…it’s when you fall in love with a covert narcissist that life changes forever.

My mother was married to my father for twenty years. She fought constantly, tried to run away, attempted s**cide several times, locked in a mental hospital five months and given shock’s treatments. When released after third psychiatristic appt the doctor said she was normal. My father was the problem. Typical narcissist who gaslighted her big time.

If you take the fight, they accuse you off being toxic and blame you for everything. If you comply, they loose respect and treat you like garbage. You can play the power game and win for a while if you are strong enough, but eventually, they'll find new supply because they can't control you and then "I was unhappy with you, my needs were not met, then it is justify that I find someone else". The only solution is to gather your strength and get out, confront if needed. You won't get out unscratched, but it is necessary.

When my loving husband told me the good WOMAN Doctor Ramani is putting "ideas" in my head. I almost vomited! That was my validation. I am onto him. Thank you Doctor.

That's why a narcissistic relationship is so bad - not because it's bad all the time, but because it's manipulative.

It so exhausting and it never ends.

If I would tell my husband I had good news he would usually say, “Oh yeah?” And nothing more. But he has ruined almost every holiday for me, many birthdays and anniversaries and the very worst of all, my Dad’s passing! I know we’re supposed to forgive to heal, but that one I cannot find a way. I could go on and on and on but all I can say after being with him for over 36 years. I WANT OUT!!! I am SICK of him and I want to leave him while I go for a loaf of bread and NEVER contact him again! I want him to just be ALONE like I have been for many many years!

The grumpy at events hits so hard. They can't stand to see others do well. The jealousy consumes them.

Dr. Ramani, this is the most helpful video I have ever watched because I am stuck in this marriage right now. I cannot leave. I do not play games. I'm a transparent straight shooter but here I am in a marriage where I feel like an actress on a stage playing a role that is not me. It does feel awful. I didn't even know what this WAS until a few months into the marriage he began a crushing silent treatment which made me want to go screaming, climbing the walls, begging him to speak with me. Then I googled and you tubed and learned what I am facing. I went to therapy for a time and the theme was set boundaries and be kind to myself. Being kind to myself info was helpful but boundaries...boundaries only made him more horrible and actually pushed him into violence. Dr. Ramani, sometimes, like now, I just begin crying. My life is so far off the rails. I moved thousands of miles to marry him, lost all my friends, my parents have passed, my brother is devoured by a very rough life. I watch your films and consider you one link I have to normalcy. I just want to thank you so much for how you share this information. You have literally saved my life, Dr. Ramani. Thank you. -Rachel