Three CPTSD Behaviors that Push People Away

I've just come to the conclusion recently while watching all these videos about narcissism, I was one of the people also pointing my fingers outward. Studying learning all about the narc. But the narc ain't the problem. The fight begins within. I get it. I'm learning to Own it. And wanna shout it to the world. There is hope for me anyhow. I see the change. I am the change. Set boundaries, being aware of my emotions. RESPONDING. Amen. Thank you.

Early oversharing doesn't just turn people off, it leaves you vulnerable to a person using the information to abuse you

Lol, raising a toast to all of us with CPTSD who don't know who to write down as an emergency contact. 🥂

My mom was horribly abused as a child, and she spent most of her life alone. I was abused as well, and going on a decade single now. It's amazing how your childhood affects your entire life and all your relationships. Everyone deserves a childhood they dont have to recover from.

Oversharing provides manipulative people with all the information they need to gain control over your feelings. It’s actually very unsafe to overshare. I used to do that. Now I only confide in a safe therapist.

Pouring your heart out ends up also attracting dangerous abusive people

Something i read today: Two things you never have to chase, true friends and true love.

This lady DESERVES an AWARD! She is clear, blunt and nurturing. I'm thankful I found this channel. 🙏🏾

This is for everyone who tries. Who tries to learn, tries to grow, tries to respond kindly and wisely, tries to recognize their own issues instead of blaming everyone else. This is for everyone who tries to be their best even when they’re not feeling their best. I see you. I appreciate you. And I hope you know you make the world a better place, just by being you.

So it's more than 3 things that I heard: 1. Don't share any details of your painful past with people you've just getting to know. Wait until you've known them awhile and piece-meal that information out in small bits when appropriate. 2. Don't be the one who always initiates doing things with others. It should be equal back & forth for invitations. 3. Get too wrapped up in what others are thinking & feeling. (Stop trying to "read their mind".) 4. When you feel rejected and hurt, don't flip into people-pleaser role. (Don't take crap.) 5. Black & White thinking : It's all my fault or not my fault at all. Apologizing too much and/or putting yourself down too much. Not noticing when something is your fault (being defensive instead of listening to how people feel but this doesn't apply to gaslighters/abusive people.) When people give you feedback, listen and then say that you'll think about what they've said.

This has plagued me most of my elder adult life. I was a pleaser when I was younger. Now i speak my mind and everyone hates it. I don't care now. I am okay with me, finally. I am not mean or caustic. I just speak the truth as I see it, and it really irks others. I also divorced myself from my story. So sick of it, and nobody wants to hear it. My story is the present moment only now. This is a good topic.

"The people who can handle it, are the very people that are not very good for us to be around." This hit hard. I have spent most of my life looking for connections to only find that I wasted all my life surrounding myself with these types of people. I am glad I am learning but whew, it is lonely.

I'm now 64 years old, I only actually 'learned' that I am a victim of horrific childhood abuse quite recently - I have never, ever been able to keep a 'friend'. Going back to school years I always ended up with bullying abusers. In fact most of the people I've met, or seem to 'gravitate' towards me have been abusers/takers. Either that or they never, ever stay in touch. I've met many who say all the cliché crap 'I'll call you next week' - then I never hear from them again! Plus, I've always been the one doing all the 'chasing'. Looking back, it seems quite desperate, I'm very lonely! I don't bother any more. I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather be alone that keep chasing after 'fake' people!

There was a time when I practically introduced myself as an abused, unloved mess. “Hi, I’m a mess, now let’s be friends.” It was my whole identity. Wow, this is very helpful. We can be so blind to our crappy behaviors.

Where were you when I was 20? At 64, I am finally learning these things, after a lifetime of pain and loneliness. Well, better late than never I guess! Thanks for these videos. They are very helpful and compassionate.

MY Notes: 1. Do not get real with people from the start about your trauma or your relationship with them is busted, most likely you will be a victim. Stay confident, earn each other's trust, build the relationship and only dose out this information along a huge timespan. Do not let it out at once to someone you barely know. 2. Do not be a people pleaser, over apologizer, you might love bomb people without them knowing and it feels yucky, phony and off putting for the other person. Instead take a more detached approach, not so overly focused on one person, keep your autonomy and keep your options open to multiple people. If someone does not respond to your love and kindness and attempts at bridging the relationship, try meeting more people, do not beg for love, do not chase, do not cling. It has to be a 2 way street. 3. Acknowledge you are neither a victim, nor an abuser. Give up black and white thinking and realize you are human, you make mistakes, but you are not at fault for everything and makimg mistakes is totally normal. Do not swing between: "others are the problem, not me" to "i am always the problem". Instead take a grey, neutral approach.

My last boyfriend was a person who wanted to know everything about my trauma since day 1, and he embraced all my trauma since day 1. He also presented himself as a hero, a loving dad, a saviour who was ready to kill my loneliness. I cried of happiness (now I think I was limerent at the moment). I cried because I felt that was so good to be true... Well, it literally was TOO good to be true. The true was he slowly became a narcissist who finally discarded me and made me feel more abandoned than I ever felt before. I share this story because I think that limerent people needs to know that is NOT a good signal that someone embrace your trauma since day 1. Even if we feel abandoned or not attended enough, it's healthy and a good thing that someone don't care about your trauma the day you meet for the first time. It means that person has no interest in playing a part in your traumatic storyline.

I use to have the issue of confiding in people too quickly. I learned that by doing that it put me in a position of deeper hurt. It was like losing a trusted friend as opposed to someone I barely knew.

1:33 "Loneliness is the number one symptom of early childhood trauma." Wow.

The whole message of this is basically a lesson on how NOT to trauma bond with people. Many friendships of mine were built that way and those never truly last