Therapist Shares 7 Defense Mechanisms that can Ruin Relationships!

Dissociation is when the nervous system is so overwhelmed it can't take any more stres. When you are nearing the root of a cause of relationship issues, the "stress" on the nervous system is increased phenomenally when the psyche is not ready to deal with it. Its all trauma based and not an intentional thing. The other day, i was doing an activity i live, planting trees, and i found that id gone into a full zone out for a good time, in my imagination, almost no awareness of my surroundings, and that was in a normal-ish situation 🤣 i just want people to know that dissociation is not intentionally done.

You know what? I’m so glad that there are Therapist like you! Your videos and expertise are so life changing and I really mean it! ❤

So mind blown. I definitely split. I've never realized it was a defense mechanisms. I've been told that I have a strong right and wrong and leave no room for grey. I always thought about it as having strong morals. But listing to what you said, about jobs and friends, and I'm sitting here like oh crap, yea that's me. It has been problematic at times. Another thing I know I do is disassociation.

Just got in an "out of nowhere" really emotionally intense argument and this video helped me contexualise and look back at the situation with fresh eyes.

Ive only watched about three videos of yours and I am shocked you arent even more popular! You lay everything out so well in a way anyone can understand and give much better advice than Ive seen from other therapy channels. You give such realistic examples of what we can do to react better to situations as opposed to feeding people lines that no one would ever say organically. Thank you!

Here from your GQ video. Love your videos! Am bingeing your channel with my wife :D

splitting for sure. i want a relationship, but i always break up with people within the first few months because it feels wrong. i used to be a really clingy person but now i self-isolate more than anything, and i can't quite identify why. single or not, i'm literally addicted to your videos i love your essence

I love that you start with the adaptive forms of each of these defense mechanisms before exploring the maladaptive forms. Often these are only discussed in terms of the negative roles they play, especially in the past decade as it has become the norm to use clinical terms as common parlance. While it's wonderful that these concepts are being regularly discussed, the nuance can can get easily lost. The full understanding is so helpful as we strive to understand each other better. Thank you for putting this out there.

my ex has serious displacement issues and just know: if they keep this up and don't try to work on it, you can leave. You are taking care of yourself, you matter and need to keep yourself safe :)

I needed this. I started my growth journey end of last year going in to this year. Through my process, I realized I do ALOT of this!! Thank you for explaining all of this and how to overcome!

I disassociate a lot. I can see how it can be damaging for sure. It’s like I do it now to avoid having intense emotions. I guess I do it because there has been time when I expressed emotions and got nowhere at all. So now I don’t. It’s like shutting down. I’m working on it. Thanks for this video.

I struggle with dissociation, as a Pisces and empath, I find it very difficult to have conversations when I'm in very emotional state, my character had been attacked, or I'm attempting to understand and make sense of an emotion or trigger and my counterpart/ S.O wants to have a conservation right then and there. It's very overwhelming when you feel like you don't have a safe space to compile your thoughts and emotions before vocalizing them, before being accused of running away from problems, or not having the mental dexterity to deal with things in a mature "adult" like manner

Repression, Dissociation, and Sublimation are my gotos these days. Did some of the others when I was younger, then I discovered them to be destructive and toxic so I worked on reprogramming them out.

My therapist asked me to elaborate why I wrote "I am a hot mess" in my file. I should send him this video, lmao. 🤣

I am certainly a splitter, though I do generally try to address the actions I see as violations or unprincipled ...what will cause me to sever the relationship is how the person responds to my attempt at bringing the issue forward to resolve it. I'm at the stage where having relationships that aren't too deep probably works best for me...where we aren't too close, I don't generally hold them to certain standards and it's less likely for issues to arise. So I socialize with a lot of ppl and avoid closeness. I guess being an only child contributes to it as well.

So glad I found your videos. They have helped me a LOT....

With everything as crazy as it is right now, you are a relationship SAVER! Thank you so much for your videos. Not everyone can afford a therapist and it’s exactly what many of us need right now! You are a beautiful couple and love watching you together.

Splitting is the most defense mechanism I've dealt with. Great info !

I really needed this information right now. I noticed I have been so defensive lately with my partner, I guess I do a lot more disassociation. Great insights, I liked the way you broke it down with examples. So relatable, Thank you.😘

I like the way you speak Steph, no over explaining just straightforward-no-drama talk