Lessons I've Learned from the People Who Don't Like Me | Nichole Myles | TEDxWhitePointGardensWomen

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Published 2020-01-24

Being nice because it's expected, isn't what the focus should be; rather, being true to oneself and daring to be unlikable is the way. Community activist and nonprofit executive, Nichole Myles shows us why we need to be brave and unlikable. Nichole Myles is a solo mom of 3 children and Executive Director of the Children’s Museum of the Lowcountry who will tell her personal story of unlikability. "We have all been in situations where we've been told to 'tone down' or set aside an essential part of ourselves so that others can be comfortable. We politely call this 'likability' but it is really an attempt - too often successful - to change us. Rather than showing women how to ignore those words, how to overcome them or avoid them, I am encouraging women to run toward their 'unlikable' descriptors and use them to find within themselves their hidden superpowers." This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

All Comments (21)

@armedanddangerous711 2 years ago

People stopped pretending to like me when I started simply taking care of myself emotionally & spiritually. Then instead of participating in gossip; I began to listen and offer prayer. Strangely I now have only 2 friends.
@usmc2a 3 years ago

These same tactics are used against men. In my late 40's I was told by my late 20's boss the office staff (women in their early 20's) did not like me. I was too serious and focused only on company goals rather than attempting to build relationships with them. I was warned I should be more likable if I ever wanted to be promoted. I now own my business.
@markheichorn 3 years ago

The only person who has to like me, is me.
@robertjnoble 3 years ago

I know this feeling, I look at people I believe are looking at me and judging me, my mind goes crazy and I wonder why they dont like me.
@AppleSlicesUnite 3 years ago

We try to make ourselves small, in fear that people won't like us, but the truth is, those who force us to fit into their comfortability never liked who we truly are, to begin with. Why not work on being ourselves.
@ruperttheprince 3 years ago

"Made myself smaller" oh do I know this, done it most my life!
@annmerrychristmas 3 years ago

Oh this is me, striving so much for validation, thank you Nichole!
@Me97202 1 year ago

I don’t care what people think of me… especially if they haven’t taken the time to get to really know me.
@michaelhunt635 3 years ago

I was having this conversation with my daughter the other day, reminding her that being liked doesn't always bring happiness. She said I wouldn't understand because I'm a guy. You have no idea how pleased I am to have come across this now! Sending to her now. One of the best ted talks I've ever seen!!
@eugeniajones1895 2 years ago

I have always been a person that spoke my mine, a lot of people would tell me be quiet, don't say anything etc, but I still spoke my mine. I don't care what others think of me that's there problem, I have made up my mind to be myself and embrace who I am. And I like myself and i like being different. I have never been a follower, I have never followed the crowd. I 'm a leader.
@nancyworthington4815 2 years ago

This is my daughter, my hero. The strongest kindest most tenacious woman I know. Heed her message. She is a wise warrior.
@chelseasavage5990 3 years ago

Why has this got so few views, this is really good! I have spent a lifetime trying to be likeable.
@kaylacalkins489 3 years ago

Maybe it's all about getting to the point that you don't need to ask anyone who you are?
@JustMe-ob3nw 2 years ago

My husband is 20 years older than me - we have been married for 19 years and have a 15 year old son. As a family we have always had problems making friends or being accepted by all sorts of groups, neighbors, churches, teachers, doctor’s offices, etc. - our son has also problems making friends. I am the first target when we go to any gathering other than those with close family. People are usually suspicious and judgmental of me. It is all very sad and I came to a point of becoming convinced having friends was not for us and that I had to accept us being singled out because we chose to marry each other. My husband by the way was divorced long before he ever met me and our son is his only son. Being ‘ disliked’ or ‘unlikable’ is a constant in my life…
@hubert-olszewski 3 years ago

This definitely hit a few heart strings. I think there are a lot of us who didn't fit in at school or at work who will feel this on many levels. I watched my little sister get the brunt of it from our folks - constantly told she was too loud, too opinionated - she always had something to say, a question to ask, incredibly curious and just wanted to make connections, but no one ever had the time to hear her out. Told her to be quiet a lot, to play by herself, to calm down, to not be so sensitive. I did my best to have her back but I am convinced the lack of encouragement in her life has lead to her mental health issues. This talk was really awesome and I'm going to send it to her, I think it'll give her some hope. Thank you.
@nataliegian 2 years ago

Authenticity over validation people.
@pepedomingo4061 4 years ago

woah! I recognize that Rainbow Row 😎 Didn’t know my own city had Ted events!
@carolanneoswald2551 3 years ago

I've never concerned myself with being liked, I had a good lesson on the behaviour of people as a child of 5 years. Never mind what people say, keep an eye on their behaviour..
@conniet69 2 years ago

My ex cheating husband told me no one likes me and that has made a home in my spirit for years. During this COVID-19 experience my spirit is beginning to shift after too many years to count.
@lucyiberard1219 3 years ago

I love that, being likeable isn't superior to be anything else I am!!!