How to Have a Good Conversation | Celeste Headlee | TEDxCreativeCoast

4:31 1: "Don't multitask." 4:53 2: "Don't pontificate." 6:06 3: "Use open-ended questions." 6:44 4: "Go with the flow." 7:36 5: "If you don't know, say that you don't know." 7:57 6: "Don't equate your experience with theirs." 8:38 7: "Don't repeat yourself." 8:58 8: "Stay out of the weeds." 9:21 9: "Listen." 10:41 10: "Be brief." Please like this comment so it can stay up and more people are able to see it.

"Most teens at this time send over 100 texts a day" Me: looks at phone two texts -_-

Almost 7 years later this still has such a huge impact on everyone. She's absolutely great.

1. be present don't multitask, while having a conversation. Get out of the conversation if you want to, but if you wanna make a nice one then be present! 2. don't pontificate if you wanna stay to your opinion without any oppurtunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, then write a blog. :) You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. TRUE LISTENING REQUIRES A SETTING ASIDE OF ONESELF. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his/her mind to the listener. EVERYONE YOU WILL EVER MEET, KNOWS SOMETHING YOU DON'T. 3. Use open-ended questions Start your questions with who, what, when, why or how. Let them describe there opinion or their experience. Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're gonna get a much more interesting response. 4. Go with the flow Just listen and ask related to their answers, just to be present. Never think that you've a clever question and you would forget and then you got tied to that particular thought of question and you're out of the conversation. Thoughts or questions might come to you and you let them come and go. 5. If you don't know, say that you don't know Be honest about what you know and what you don't know. Do that, talk shouldn't be cheap. 6. Don't equate your experience with theirs If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job. It's not the same, it's never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly it's not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered. "I've no idea. People who brag about their IQs are losers." Conversations are not a promotional oppurtunity. 7. Try not to repeat yourself It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot. we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over. Don't do that. 8. Stay out of the weeds Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind. They don't care, what they care about is you. They care about what you like, what you've in common. So forget the details. Leave them out. 9. Listen Listening is perhaps the most, the number one, most important skill that you could develop. "If you're mouth is open, you're not learning." ~Buddha "No man ever listened his way out of a job." Why do we not listen to each other? We get distracted.The average person talks at about 225 word per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in those other 275 words. And look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation. You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place. You have to listen to one another. "Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply." ~ Stephen Covey 10. Be brief A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and this is this one: Be interested in other people. GO out; talk to people, listen to people,and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed. Thanks.

"Dont listen to reply, listen to understand" This is such a powerful quote and it really resonated with me. Thank you Celest!

Notes from video: 4:31 1. Don’t be half in half out of the conversation. Be in it or out of it. 4:53 2. Don’t pontificate. Stating an opinion without the opportunity for response, argument or discussion. Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. Set aside your personal opinion. Everyone you meet knows something that you don’t. Everyone is an expert in something. 6:06 3. Who, what, where, when, how? Let them describe it. 6:44 4. Go with the flow. Thoughts will come and go. 7:36 5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Talk should not be cheap. 7:57 6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they’re talking about the time they lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they start talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t start talking about how you hate your job. It’s never the same. All experiences are individual. 8:38 7. Try not to repeat yourself. It can come across as condescending and it’s really boring. We tend to do it a lot in work situations and conversations with our kids. 8:58 8. Stay out of the weeds. People don’t care about the minutiae. What they care about is you. 9:21 9. Listen. This is the most important. • If your mouth is open you’re not learning – Budda and every Dad there ever was. • No man ever listened his way out of a job – Calvin Coolidge. 10:41 10. Be brief. • A good conversation is like a mini skirt; short enough to maintain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. Be interested in other people. Everyone has some hidden amazing thing about them. Go out, talk to people and prepare to be amazed.

"A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest! but long enough to cover the subject." Amazing quote

I get sick of providing a "listening service" to people who just want to hear themselves talk. Everyone should take turns during a conversation.

Hears “don’t multitask” while reading comments.. lol my bad

I hate how much people interrupt. I leave most conversations unsatisfied because I end up shutting up to avoid interrupting, but most people don't return the favor.

"A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject." nice one.

You never stop learning, so just keep listening. Listen to understand and not reply. That was amazing

1-Be present 2-Enter enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn 3-Use open ended questions 4-Go with the flow 5-If you dont know, say you dont know 6-Do equate you experience with theirs 7-try not to repeat your self 8-forget the details, only focus on expressing your self. 9-LISTEN This is only for review purpose. If you havent seen the video pls watch it first then read this. And if you where reading this during the video pls restart it and watch it with you full attention.

This talk was short enough to retain attention and long enough to cover the subject.

I totally agree with her. What I have experienced lately though is that my „skill“ of being a good listener is oftentimes exploited by people who love to talk about themselves, but in return don’t ask questions. And so conversations get really exhausting and one directional. And unfortunately I don’t get amazed too often by the content of it.

1.ながらをしない 2.一方的に話さない 3.自由回答の質問をすること 4.流れに任せること 5.もし知らなければ知らないと言いましょう 6.相手の体験を自分の体験と同一視しない 7.同じことを何度も言わないこと 8.細かいことには拘らない 9.聞くこと 10.簡潔に

"Be prepared to be Amazed" The final and strongest words.

One of the most genuine and personable speaches ive ever heard. She speaks as if she were talking to a single person, but at an entire audience. She appears so comfortable and genuine on stage it does indeed leave me amazed.

Totally true! As a Lyft driver, i am constantly surprised, inspired, amazed, and in awe by my amazing passengers... 1,407 and counting. People are awesome!

"we dont listen with the intent to understand. we listen with intent to reply" completely agree, i say "communication is not key, comprehension is"