Having Autism & ADHD (The Paradox)

I love the way you explain this: “thrives on order, but rebels against routine. “ So true. This whole video Nails everything you are explaining.

My adhd pushes every anxiety button in my brain when I talk to new people but my autism is like "TELL THEM ALL OF THE RANDOM FUN FACTS YOU HAVE ACCUMULATED THROUGHOUT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE"

I came with nothing but my pervasive sneaking suspicions about myself and this is everything I've felt my whole life wrapped up in an 8-minute package. This is beyond feeling seen. It's like I found the rest of the people who crash-landed on this planet with me.

I always say that one part of me is the overly-excited toddler running around everywhere and grabbing everything. Meanwhile, the other side is the exhausted and overwhelmed parent who is absolutely done with this nonsense. It's a constant battle between STROBE LIGHT. MUSIC. PARTY. WOOOO. and I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS ROOM IMMEDIATELY. I've been doing anime conventions for about 20 years. I love attending, staffing, meeting new people, having conversation (because it's mostly other ND people and little small talk). But then I'll hole myself up for days and not talk to anyone afterward. I want solitude, but I love being the life of the party. It's both exhilarating and exhausting at the same time.

I just found out I have both ADHD and high functioning autism. I have no idea how to live with both brains fighting all the time. Everything you said is me. And I want to cry. Someone knows. Someone understands.

When I interviewed with my current company I had a 2 hour long presentation that involved answering questions about my project and then an hour long tour of the site plus small talk. By the time I got home I was so mentally exhausted I couldn't talk to my mom. Opening my mouth felt like lead and I couldn't vocalize the words in my brain. I was overwhelmed by the questions she was asking me and I felt the restless itch of irritation crawling through me. That was the first time I acknowledged my difficulty socializing with others.

This is a very very accurate description on my wife. We are both neurodiverse and undiagnosed and older than you. We have been together for 22 years. Our relationship and lives has improved more in the past 2 years than in the last 20 because our grandchildren were diagnosed with ADHD and autism and as we learned about both we realized we both had multiple diverse aspects. Learning about and understanding each other has improved our lives in almost un Believable ways. Your other Videos have provided many many useful elements of both our behavior but this one is next level description of my wife.

Bless you purple! Thank you for giving voice to an underrepresented group of ADHD/ASDers. It’s so hard to find information on how both conditions impact our day to day lives. Does anyone else sometimes feel a paradox of being obsessively detailed-oriented, but still making careless mistakes because you’re also lost in a world of big ideas? My brain sometimes feels like it sees the forrest, the trees, and neither, all at the same time.

Best combination in the world. Everything is interesting and everything is terrifying. I am perpetually exhausted and constantly wound-up at the same time. I always have to be on guard for that next panic attack. It's a real thrill ride...but it's nice to know I'm not alone.

I'm 47 years old and I have them both too. I feel like they're constantly clashing, leaving me with feelings of constant stress and failure. As i was only diagnosed a year ago this is something I'm still trying to work out.

Paradox, that's a great word to describe it. I too feel that the different needs of autism and ADHD are constantly fighting each other, such that my life has been pretty chaotic because of ADHD, but really to thrive I need order and organisation, but ADHD me finds it so difficult to achieve it. Suddenly I have found a new 'special interest' - decluttering! For the first time in my 65 years I am significantly decreasing the physical chaos, which is helping me to nurture both autistic me and ADHD me.

You right Ella, autism and adhd is a very unique experience. I was diagnosed ADhD 12years ago. Very recently completed a load of self assessments for autism and I was quite suprised at the results. My sister said she wasn't. I unknowingly use my autism to regulate my adhd. I have strict routines that change ever so slightly to satiate the adhd. As an individual I have nailed existing. Generally happy but emotional regulation, sensory overload and social difficulties are what i struggle with. I'm kind of relieved to consider autism, it means theres a reason why i don't have many friends. On a superficial level, I'm very popular, everyone says hello to me at work and i make people laugh. But if im honest, it's just a performance. Once things go a bit deeper and I start talking about the inner workings of whatever obsession is flavour of the month, the follow up invitation to the bbq or trip out never comes and contact tends to get less and less. At least now i know what it is and i can focus on friends who accept me as i am, and i can hold back sharing how to calculate the bore diameter of an engine 😂

I relate so much to the oversharing and constantly chatting. I can't stop myself, although I'm aware that I'm talking too much. It feels like I can only process my thoughts when I say them out loud. I also constantly talk to myself when I'm on my own. Sometimes even when I walk down the street. It's just easier processing for me. But it's weird and embarrassing at times too. Big hugs, Ella! You're such an inspiration! xx

The experience of having both ADHD and Autism has VERY fundamentally formed my experience of the world in ways that are difficult to fully explain. Like, that experience almost DEFINES some fundamental beliefs I have of the world, and how I relate to and understand it. Even on a spiritual level. It's really hard to find out that these deep roots inside my mind are actually so subjective as to be a result of 2 different conditions. It's world-shaking.

It feels weird (but good) to hear people talk about the struggles of neurodiversity without any apology or hesitation or self-doubt on what they’re saying. I’m so used to belittling my experiences, laughing at myself or putting myself down when explaining my issues, I think because that was the response I always got back so I learnt to deflect by making the jokes or comments first. But that can mean people take me less seriously I think and I shouldn’t feel ashamed or like I need to apologise for issues that might mean others need to accommodate me. It’s a disability thanks to how society expects us to exist and I need to come to terms with the fact that’s ok and valid and doesn’t make me less important and less worthy of being accommodated

I’m 28 and I was diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD last year. I could never figure out my mental health troubles beforehand. I also have hEDS! I found your channel when I was figuring out my hypermobility stuff.

I feel like watching this video is like watching myself describe my own life. Thanks for making this and opening up and talking about all these challenges! Love your work! Your channel has been very helpful for me :)

This was so eye opening! Since my GP suggested that my self diagnosed ADHD could be autism I've been looking into both divergences and trying to relate to either but I just never felt like fitting in. When you said about striving on order but at the same time rebelling against routine I thought that's me exactly! I'm really struggling with the paradox inside my brain and want to learn more about how to balance it all and how to embrace myself for who I am. Thank you for your insight.

I'm currently in a constant state of "what is wrong with me and why doesn't it go away?". I was coping perfectly fine until 2021 and then I started slowly struggling with everything, and all that lead to a massive burnout in December. I haven't been able to work since. I'm constantly yoyoing between trying to cram too much in one day (because hey, now I have the energy, and motivation, and I'm suddenly enjoying mopping floors and making wild garlic butter from scratch!!) and not being able to do anything at all. I'm hard relating you talking about delayed processing - only yesterday I somehow managed to tell my postman my flatmate's name instead of my own because my mouth ran off before my brain caught up. I guess that's my royal mail identity from now on... I can also really relate to that instagram scrolling story, because I'm absolutely time blind and so often I feel like I blink and it's been two hours, and either I've done nothing at all or got so engrossed in what I was doing I didn't stop to breathe and oops it's now 2am and I need to crash. There are a lot of ADHD traits I can really see in myself, and also some autism traits too - except I really don't like routine so I guess that cancels the rest out? I really don't know, I realise I'm rambling in your comment section, sorry! I'm just pretty lost right now and I miss being able to do things.

I’ve been officially diagnosed with ADHD a couple of months ago and started meds. What you said about meds making it better and worse hits home for me. I’m definitely not as impulsive anymore and can do more self care even if it’s not consistent. Before I even knew I had ADHD, I suspected myself of having autism. I was reading a manga called asperger’s girl and related a lot. I started looking into it, and realized I had a lot of the traits. Once my therapist told me she thinks I had ADHD, i completely forgot all the research i did on Autism and hyperfocused on ADHD. Now medicated, I’m looking at my traits and realized (again) I don’t relate to ADHD completely. I think my family is mostly ADHD but I think my dad has autism too. We both struggle socially to keep people around. I also have more sensory issues and feel more constricted to rules than my family. It’s eye opening, thank you for this video. I don’t feel as alone, and i’m gonna do more research into ASD.