Betrayal Trauma | The Signs

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Grieving for someone who you thought you knew, yet who hasn't physically died is one of the strangest and traumatizing experiences.

“Of all the ways to lose a person, death is the kindest.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Betrayal trauma feels like thinking you're living a real life and finding out it's all a mirage.

What's worse is when they know they hurt you and they don't care. They move on like you meant nothing after cheating for years.

I have no friends or family that can listen to my repeated ventings, but I've found a solution that works surprisingly well for people who have nobody and can't afford therapy. I have long talks to the camera of my phone. I can say everything that needs to be said. Then I listen back the entire thing. I see myself sobbing, yelling, being frustrated and angry, and I empathise with myself. I always feel so much better after that. It also helps to see yourself in order to see if you're emotionally unstable or unreasonable, you get a bit of a more objective view of yourself. That really helps to get your bearings back, and see how other people perceive you. Also you can validate yourself seeing how much you're suffering. It might feel weird in the beginning, but you'll get used to it if you do it a few times. I hope this helps !❤

I've been betrayed by the people I've loved the most. Siblings, parents, etc.

A betrayal occurs when you discover what someone so close to you has been doing and conspiring behind your back to destroy any part of you. It will come from someone who has listened to you and even helped you which is why it hurts so much.

The betrayal trauma I experienced changed my entire understanding of what human beings are even capable of doing to one another. I never in a million years would've believed before that anyone could do what was done to me, to anyone else. I can never regain the faith I had before in human goodness. It's been years and I still don't understand what would motivate someone to act this way.

It's really difficult to work through betrayal trauma when you're in a narcissistic family system and everyone just gaslights you or minimizes your pain. Dr. Ramani is right: in many ways grieving actual death would be easier and more socially acceptable. I have long called betrayal trauma "death without casseroles." No one is tending to your sadness and helping you slog through life while you work through it.

Wow, is it ever. The numbing shock of finding out that someone you trusted: a partner, a spouse, a family member, who you loved and gave your heart and soul to, valued you so little or in fact, hated you that much, changes your world in a fundamental way. OUCH!!

The self blame in betrayal trauma is the most difficult thing to get over, the ruminating keeps you from moving on. When you realize you were so naive you placed yourself at the narcissists hands and they knew they were manipulating you :(

"above all else, you lose trust in yourself". YES!!!

It is like walking along thinking all is well and then having the ground beneath you disappear.

I could never and will never trust again . I was literally sleeping with the enemy who was smiling in my face every day

Her points are valid, I felt like I was mourning someone who was still alive

"it would've actually been easier if the person was dead", "it's like having your house burn down". incredibly powerful and true.

It takes years to grieve some betrayal trauma. I had to rid my life of most of my family, my spouse and several close friends before I began to heal and process emotions. It was like waking up one day and realizing I was being taken advantage of by most people in my life.

This is SPOT ON and nobody gets it unless they’ve experienced it.

A week after my husband passed away I discovered that he had numerous affairs over the 17 years we were together, the most recent still on going just before he died. That was 16 years ago, and since then my longest relationship lasted 4 months. My capability of trusting someone again went down to zero. You mistrust your own judgments, blame yourself that you didn’t or couldn’t see what was going on. If you cannot even trust your own perceptions anymore, then, who CAN you trust?