5 lessons I learned from my narcissistic parents which led me to estrange

ps I said to my dad yesterday that the version of me that he would (if I ask forgiveness) accept back into the family doesn't exist anymore The only version of me that exists now is a version that doesn't tolerate tiptoeing around mum's feelings at the expense of my own, and he just looked back at me like I was speaking greek.

I believe my mother is a borderline and covert narcissist. 9 years ago around the birth of my first child she told me she would disinherit me as an attempt to control me and get me to comply/ submit. The smartest thing i ever did was to walk away. Shes much younger than my father so she will exact her revenge one day. The money 💰 cant buy genuine love. Sitting alone on bags of money but feeling empty and souless.

My point of no return was when my dad told me "I brought you into this world and I can just as easily take you out of it". I thought to myself, "Wow, that's effing sinister, like something Homelander would say on The Boys."

I have watched many of your videos today. I am of course a scapegoat myself and as painful and triggering as it is to watch your honesty and vulnerablity it is validating and healing. I had a narc father/ enabling mother combo. I had my career destroyed narcissistic pigs. I married a low level narc.....got out of that mess. I then met someone completely different to anyone i had ever met. A kind loving generous person with a mahoosive heart. We found out about narcs together and learned we were both scapegoats. I understand why narcs are drawn to us now. We are lovely...a bit battle worn but the salt of the earth.

The peace is amazing.

A few weeks ago my sister sent a message to my boyfriend that she is moving to Oregon with her new boyfriend. I told her not to contact me through him or anyone else. It is nice knowing that she is on the other side of the U.S. She is a monster. It’s heartbreaking. She stole my inheritance money to make this big move. She will fail and I won’t be there to pick her up. Never again. She will die alone. I might too, however I don’t have the guilt that will eventually plague her. I’d rather be alone than surrounded by monsters.

The words and actions not lining up took me so long to get, but I finally see it. I'm very, very wary if words do not match up with actions now.

Been looking for a way to articulate this. Thank you!!!

I had to go no contact with my dad and his 3rd wife. It took me 62 years of life to finally do it. Wrote a long detailed letter making sure I added good memories and at the end the reason I can’t contact any more. It’s mainly the wife. She changed him into an unrecognizable human in the last 40 years and he let her. I miss my dad. The original version. The current version makes me feel extremely bad about myself and I finally said no more. Better late than never. He has not spoken to me since the letter, about 7 months. He’s too convinced he did nothing wrong and will never ever reach out to me. And I’m ok with that.

Whoever thought of this phrase has the Kung Fu. 🙏 But yea, like true machiavellianists they think you deserve to be treated like this or even abused until you finally learn your lesson. Don't be surprised they at one point when they're with their back against the wall they tell you crap like; "We we were hard on you so you would learn well", or "you left us no choice then to be hard on you because otherwise you would never learn" or some kind of variëty of it. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Which likely is just a sorry ass excuse and DARVO. Yes, in fact you are to blame for giving them this hard time being hard on you, why could you never behave bla bla blame shame shift reverse accuse. I wonder what goes on in their minds, how do they justify to themselves this egocentric thinking ? Like they are not to blame for anything, they never made any mistake ? Or is it just they can't stand to even admit it to themselves. Is this how they view relationships ? Thinking they can't ever do anything wrong and everything is automatically someone else's fault ? Did they at one time adopt this view of someone else out of convenience and it became a habit and later the undisputed truth ? Oh that arctic monkey's song keeps on ringing in my mind lately.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Luz93nkxzJE And oh, the look on Jack Nicholson's face in the end, priceless... 😁🤭 Thanks Chess. And if I may be so free, you look kinda perfect to me. 😉 I guess it kinda depends who we're with if we're perfect or not. Some people we get along perfectly, others we resent at 1st glance. Yea, I felt like the dog barking up the wrong tree before. Hahaha, reminds me when I was still a kid my Ndad used to make me walk his hunting dog for him that once chased a cat up a tree. And every time since, if we passed that tree it would freak out and bark up the tree like there was still a cat there who was long gone obviously. "stupid dog" I thought ....but ain't people sometimes just the sa

Amen. We have EVERY RIGHT to protect ourselves from further emotional harm. Betrayal, abandonment, psychological manipulation and mockery make it a non-starter. It is clear child abuse that takes a lifetime to heal.

Thank you again Chess. I really related to this video. I was constantly trying to have an emotional relationship with my parents. There was no emotional intimacy. I felt abandoned all the time. They also gave me the silent treatment. So I decided to have no contact with them. I then found peace of mind most of the time. Sometimes I get this feeling of doom. “What have I done?” I’ve done nothing but continuously tried to have an honest and truthful relationship with them. I realize this is an old feeling. I now do my best to parent myself. ❤🙏

TY so very much for this deeply personal and succinct explanation of what we as scapegoat experienced…. Completely disorienting without the help of people like you 💫🙏🏼❤️🔆‼️ Forever grateful 🔆

can you do a video about how to relate to other members of the extended family. They all think I'm crazy and abusive and I know that defending myself would be pointless so I won't. My cousins wife turned on her heels and walked out of a deli when she saw me a few weeks ago. My cousin walked past me at a bus stop. Aunts didn't respond to simple text messages (no attempt to draw them into take a side) I feel anger about this. Although these people who leapt to have a scapegoat, they aren't important in the grander scheme of things, I know.

Succinct & heartfelt, as ever Chess. I hear you. Sending love 🌼

This was so beautiful, so poignant, honest, authentic and well stated, wow! Thank you so much Chess for sharing your experience and heart with us. This really resonates, all of it. Thank you for putting words and articulating this incredibly complex matter so beautifully. Wishing you every joy, happiness, and peace you so richly and abundantly deserve. God Bless you dear Chess. 💜💕