Why Your Tinder Match Isn't Going To Date You

Dating apps don't make money when you really find your life partner, they make money when you keep looking. So, the apps are optimized to make you spend more time looking and never find the right one for you. If they would gotten paid only when you made a baby, it would work differently.

Dr. K giving advice on dealing with your parents for most people: "Try entering the conversation with a genuine curiosity for their point of view." Dr. K giving advice on dealing with Asian parents: "Your first mistake is believing this isn't war. I recommend reading Sun Tzu for some strategies for exploiting their weaknesses."

as a bi woman, I can tell you right away that neither of the genders reply to me lol. I think everybody is just condtantly looking for better and better matches without realizing love isnt found, it is built over time

As an insecure man getting 200+ matches felt great but after you try to speak with them and less than 10 actually engage in conversation but none of them wants to go out makes me feel even more weirded out by how is this supposed to be a dating app

Online dating is torture. I get matches fine, but I’m starting to feel like the guys I go on dates with are in “I will take what I can get” mode. Listening to my single guy friends talk about dating, really feels like they would spend time with ~anyone~ even if they are terrible if they either a) might get laid or b) if the person is hot. I just want to be with someone who chooses me for me, not just because they are desperate for anything they can get.

I'm 30 and haven't used a dating app in 4 years. My mental health has never been better. Take it from me young bloods DELETE THE APPS!!!

"The best sign a relationship is beyond repair is when you are the one trying to repair it" MIND = BLOWN

A brilliant observation you've made that transcends even the whole, "dating apps want you to keep coming back/never find a good partner" stuff... We as humans, with these tools, focus more on our volume of matches rather than a successful match.

i just reached an epiphany while watching this a quarter of the way. i think the real problem is that once there are too many things involved, it becomes complicated. for example someone with a closet full of the same t shirt and same pants, will easily pick a shirt and pants to wear quickly. someone with too many things in the closet will take too long to pick, get overwhelmed and say they don't have anything to wear. i think this is why the old fashioned meeting in person and falling in love naturally works best tbh.

My issue with dating apps is that they make people feel like bland NPC's. Rather than getting a personable first impression you get stats like height, age, etc. You have to judge based on pictures and people always look worse in a picture than they do in real life. Dating apps kinda force you to make shallow judgement calls based on how you imagine somethin. Maybe you turn someone down that you'd actually like because you imagine 5'7 being way taller than it actually is, 135 pounds being bigger than you think, or you just don't think they have an attractive face when they do and they are being misrepresented by there photos. This can also go the other way in that you can assume you find someone attractive but actually don't. I'd say at least 50% of the process for online dating is essentially gambling on wether or not how you view someone is accurate. I hate it so much.

I thank dating apps for letting me know people can find me attractive or funny, and for letting me know I don't actually get nervous talking to potentially romantic interests. It was an exploratory experience, I went out with 3 different people, with no actual success. Once I stopped using them, I out of nowhere found myself in a real date, and I think my previous experience helped me not fuck up, because it went great. It didn't end as I would have wished, but I've gotten myself some unforgettable happy memories. Overall I think they helped me grow up and gain a bit of confidence.

Dr. K got heated about this one, and I’m glad he did. This whole new world dating system is horse shit.

Dating apps are for validation and for casual sex. Don’t get your expectations high, they make money off of insecurity, sadness, and actively make an effort to keep you from matching.

You're spot on with this. I had this crush on a girl who ran in the same circles as me for a few years, but had only actually talked to her once. Then, out of nowhere, we matched on Tinder, and found out we were like a perfect match. Engaged in 6 months and eloped just under a year after we got together. I'd always said that the most success I'd found on dating apps was with connecting with people I already knew with a subtext attached, and I wholeheartedly still stand by that.

This went from critiquing dating apps to Dr K. trying to convince his father to un-disown him

The amount of matches you get, also depends on where you live. I end up seeing the same people on other dating apps. Everyone is recycling each other.

the whole thing about being happy with a 7/10 and having ppl tell u that u can do better... its like.... dude. im HAPPY with this person. my boyfriend deals with major depression and severe adhd but he is the most kind, loving, caring person in the world. he makes me laugh. he takes care of me, and i take care of him. but my mom keeps telling me i can do better -_- but what is better than someone who makes you happy??? and no we did not meet on a dating app!!! tried that. didnt work. was single and not in the dating pool for over a year. met him thru online gaming. we clicked amazingly well, and grew rly close over the course of a year, he asked me out, and now we've been together for 5. you just have to let things happen naturally. dont go looking for it in a dating app. just put yourself out there. be open to meeting new people and making new friends!!! when you find someone you click with, things will fall into place much more easily and it all feels very natural.

For me, dating apps made dating more casual and gave me a bit of a confidence boost. Not too much ofc. It made it easier for me to ask people on dates and i met great people on Tinder. This is anecdotal but I wanted to mention it because it helped me despite the stigma around it. The only thing is that you should not take it too seriously untill you have an actual date planned because there have been a lot of times where I've talked to people for a while and then they unmatched for some reason or just stopped sending messages back so getting too invested early on is not a good approach

After around 2 years of online dating, I found that you simply need to go on many more dates than you would if you asked someone up in real life for one simple reason: If you ask someone out in real life you already know that you're actually into that person and that the chemistry is (likely) there - at least from your perspective. If they agree to go on a date with you, they obviously feel the same. This doesn't guarantee a successful date or a relationship, of course, but there's quite a decent chance there. With online dating, you simply have no idea if there will be any chemistry between you two or not, no matter how much or how long you text - or about which topics. Romantic chemistry is something that's either there or isn't. Looking at profile pictures and texting gives you very few clues about that, aside from weeding out people you find very unattractive and/or especially annoying.

I used tinder for 1-2 years (as a lesbian). This was my experience. I used it as a way to hook up and get over my ex and remind myself there's other girls out there. Also, as a thrill and confidence booster to meet strangers and go on dates and get myself out there. Though idk how much more confident i felt afterwards. i actually felt afterward most of the time. In a way it was exciting to go to someone's house I've never met before and hook up like a thrill chase. Made me feel like "i have game" and boosted my ego in that way. But most of my interactions and hookups were awkward unless there was alcohol involved. A way it affected how i view dated and changed my behavior i didn't expect was the casual talking to/borderline dating multiple girls at once. This created a fragmentation in my mind. While i was too scared to have a real relationship again, this weird codependent person hopping behavior became my new normal and it was a normal part of the tinder culture. It was a substitute for the loneliness I'd feel if i wasn't seeing anybody. Another thing that occured with my use of it was a casual attitude about sex and my body. When what i really craved was the soul connection and closeness i felt when i had sex in my prior relationship. I ended up getting banned for some reason (it's common for people to get randomly banned on tinder) but I'm glad it did cuz it wasn't healthy for me. As far as the female-male ratio, even when setting my gender preference to female, i still would get male profiles sometimes. There were also MANY profiles of straight couples 'looking for a third'. There were also a good amount of females in the "just moved here and looking for friends" category. Or "bi curious". When i did find single lesbians, lots of them were depressed, have anxiety or other mental health issues, and/or had no hobbies. I'd swipe no if i saw that in their profile. It's a place where many desperate people go (I'm not excluded here) and in most cases isn't a place that fosters healthy relationships. (As has been stated, they don't make money if you find the one only if you keep looking). So, it affects your mindset of people too. Instead of letting something natural occur, you're thinking, "but is there someone better?" And you get a "the grass is greener" syndrome if you do find someone you potentially want to date