Some jokes I stole from Twitter 2
Published 2021-04-16
I stole from Twitter...
The guy at the liquor store wrote me a prescription. I mean, he called it a receipt, but whatever...
I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least we could do for him.
My wife speaks four languages: English, eyerolls, door slams and sighs.
My friend fell in love with an electrician, it was shocking. His sister fell in love with a carpenter, but she got nailed.
Reply: I bet when she broke up with the electrician, she was jolted. When your friend partied with the carpenter, they got hammered!
Just put air in my tires. Cost $1.25
I asked the guy,Why so much?
He said, "Inflation!"
Someone tweeted that they had just baked some synonym buns. I replied, "Just like the ones grammar used to make?"
Thief threatens to call police on mom who left child in the back seat of the car... that he stole.
I accidentally mixed holy water with laxatives. I guess that means I’m going to start a religious movement.
Grandson looking at grandmother’s Driver's License...
He laughs...
Grandma: “What’s so funny?”
Grandson: “Grandma, you got an F in sex?”
A thief broke into my house last night, looking for money. So I got out of bed to look with him. But we didn't find any.
I can't afford an Ancestry DNA kit, so I just announced I won the lottery. I didn't really win the lottery, but now I know who all my relatives are.