Some jokes I stole from Twitter #3
Publicado 2021-04-17
I stole from Twitter!
Kids these days are soft!
I died once when I was five ...but my dad made me walk it off.
Some bastard stole my Limbo Stick!!
Seriously: how LOW can you go??
Somebody told me I'm pretty.
Well, ...actually they said I was "pretty annoying", but I like to focus on the POSITIVE things!
My neighbor with the big boobs is out doing gardening topless again.
I really wish he would put a shirt on.
I watched a whole movie on mute and started crying because I thought I lost my hearing...
(I need to quit eating marijuana edibles.)
I bought a world map and hung it on the wall and gave my girlfriend a dart and said "throw it, and wherever it lands, I'll take you there on vacation when the pandemic is over". Turns out, our vacation will be somewhere behind the fridge...
If the Catholic church thinks only 50% of humans are fit to serve as priests,
then they should take it up with the manufacturer.
There are three types of people in the world....
Those who are good at math and those who aren't.
How come noses run but feet smell? How come we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? How come jail and prison are the same thing but jailER and prisonER are opposites. How come FAT chance and SLIM chance still mean the same thing?
A friend of mine was reading “The Exorcist “. He felt it was the most evil book he’d ever read. So evil he couldn’t finish it. He threw the book into Chesapeake Bay.
So I went to a bookstore and bought another copy, ran it under water ...and put it in his desk drawer...