Trying to Please Others Makes NO ONE Happy (4-Video Compilation)

Thank you for sharing the tools we need to help ourselves. What a blessing you are.

A roommate would be far better than living with parents if money is an issue.

I’m not trying to hijack this comment section, and I hope it’s not viewed that way. I’ve been thinking about something a lot recently and would like to tell it and maybe just see how others feel about it. I have audio of my mother talking to my grandmother from when I was 3. She had locked me outside, out back (yard had no fence) to get me out of her hair so she could record a message to my grandmother. It was November in a very cold climate. She was complaining on the tape that I kept knocking and saying I was cold. She said, “he wants to come inside. I keep giving him candy to distract him, but he keeps knocking. Says he’s cold.” And she said it like I was being completely unreasonable. I was 3, cold, and could have wandered off or been kidnapped and disappeared forever. About 10 years ago, when I discovered the recording (I was digitizing what I thought would be nostalgic family memories), I mentioned what she said (I had no memory of it). I got nothing from her but an enraged death stare. An expression I’d never seen from her before. About 5 years ago, my little dog went out of her dog door in the middle of the night to go potty during a storm. I had no idea it was going to storm and was sound asleep. She obviously became very frightened by thunder and lightning because in the morning we found her cowered with her head down in a corner of the patio, soaked, with her eyes closed. She was too scared to try to come back inside. We were heartbroken. No idea how long she was out there. We dried her off and loved on her. When my mom found out about it, she busted out laughing. Thinking she must have misunderstood something, it was explained to her again. She doubled down and said it was funny. When it was explained that there was absolutely nothing funny about it, she became angry and said that to her it was funny. A couple of months ago, I confronted her about her not protecting my sisters and cousins from a child m*lester years ago. She ignored me. The stress of it caused me to have a heart attack a few days later. She knew and never contacted me when I was hospitalized. A few weeks after that, she emailed my wife to complain about me contacting her seeking answers about her lack of protection. My wife wisely didn’t tell me right away, because she didn’t want me to have another heart attack. A few more weeks passed, and my mom texted me out of the blue, still ignoring my inquiry, and was talking to me not only like I had somehow victimized her, like I was the bad guy, but also talked to me like I had passed away. It was weird. I’ve gone no contact. Thanks for putting up with me venting, and sorry this is so long.

Wish your information was out there 20 years ago. But thankful that I'm learning this now. Thank you.

A lot of “dis-ease” ‘es are the body attacking itself simply because we are not living in our truth, in what God put in our hearts vs. what man made religion wants us to do/be. We are constantly living in DIS-EASE spiritually therefore manifest in the body.

In regards to boundaries, I learned that it's really okay to set boundaries in love. When I was in a chaotic relationship, the idea of setting boundaries with someone you love seemed impossible and even crazy. But, now I learned that's exactly the way. I'm meant to stand up for myself and protect myself "in love". It's my factory setting as a soul to love with boundaries and the people who can't handle that simply has no space in my life. I also learned that that's what most of us missing. Once we learn to set boundaries in love, it doesn't matter who we are dating. We are safe. We can love freely.

Before she even makes any comments, I'm just going to tell this guy. If he's reading this, please move out of the basement, find a room and rent it or something because I moved my mom back in with me who is emotionally unavailable because I thought she was sick and I needed to take care of her after years of being on my own and thriving and it's literally been 7 years and we haven't been separating in like. I am literally fighting for my life to not be that little girl that I was back then and right. When I get a chance to move out something happens and she finds a way to reel me back in so I don't know. I do not suggest moving back in with parents who were emotionally look letful or abusive even if they're older because there's this very weird dynamic of codependency and a meshman and all kind of weird stuff that happens to your brain and it's almost like you you really like. I really have been struggling so and don't worry I have a plan. I'll be out by the end of summer but it's taking me 7 years to get this this way where I lived 7 years previously before she moved in with me independently and doing very well

To think that in her life, Anna needed her own fairy Now she blesses us with her knowledge and experience I feel so incredibly lucky to have found this at 27 Im sure so many people would live to be in my position For them and myself, i won't waste another year of my life trying to be the good son i thought i never was

This comes out the week I have been CONSTANTLY thinking of the boundaries I need to set... Not just the boundaries with myself, but I had a co worker ask me how she should set boundaries 🤦🏼‍♀️

It's not that I try to, it's that i'm actively told by an enabler father, that the only way to happiness is to make my mother happy. That if I defend myself it will "only make things worse" and that "if someone gets upset and lashes out, it's my fault that they reacted that way, and I have to take responsibility." So much of this was raged and screamed at me at a young child, and the trauma from that made me believe that if someone was upset at me, I did something wrong, and in turn I had to be good to them to not upset them and make them happy, because it's my fault that they are upset. It's messed up, I know. I personally have always believed in Justice and an "Eye for an Eye," so part of the abuse of my father, coupled with my own believes, I think is what came out of this. Because if I upset someone, then i should apologize. Then thing is, making someone happy? So I have to submit and be their slave? Or do something to degrade or hurt myself to "allow them to get back" at me? Just because they were mad at me for some reason I don't know about? The second comment of "if someone gets upset at you it's your fault" was said to me when I was 10 years old at our family's Passover sedar. Mom always went all out for holidays making it all about her. The Sedar can be multiple hours long, and we were an hour into ours, and ~I made a comment or said something out of line(I was diagnosed as a kid to have ADHD, and I was extremely hyperactive), to which mom freaked out at me saying something and `said she's done and that I ruined the holiday, but I didn't do anything.. She just threw a tantrum and flipped out and dad tried to calm her down and she just left and went into her room, to which dad raged at me saying it's my fault that she got upset, and I have to take responsibility. It's extremely traumatic to do that to a child. Also, I believe this happened 3 Passovers in a row. Holidays were ALWAYS an issue like this. It was ALWAYS about mom, and if mom didn't get her way... TANTRUM! and then run to her room, ruining the holiday, but I get the blame for "upsetting her." ---------------------- I think it's bad that people have to walk on eggshells to not upset people is bad, and I empathize with that... But I'm realizing how absolutely destructive and damaging my father is/was to me by telling me these things. Having a raging, psychopathic demonic evil mother, and a enabler father who only cared about what she said and always agreed with her, and would actively tell me, if I came to him for help "I agree with whatever mom says." Also note, he wouldn't say "Your mother" it was always "Mom," as if it was his mother too. I've notice that for a very very long time.

Thank you Anna. You always reach me when I need you the most. Much love to you and everyone. ❤

I have fibromyalgia and it makes me so angry to find out it's linked to my cPTSD (I've known this for a while and it's still hard)

Dont go to the wedding. Find a work excuse anything.Plan a fun thing to do in your day. She will be unhappy either. way.

Psychics say her spirit rose. They feel she is passed. They want to name it on other things. We do not control future. It's already knowing what will occur.

I really feel empathy for him and I can relate to the neglect and lopsidedness of his marriage. The only thing I question with is why he doesn't see Zen Buddhism as an established religion? Although it is not the "fundamental Christian" religion he left it is still one, and if it brings him joy and peace I am happy for him. I have as a result of my own childhood pain and trauma have stopped putting my faith in "religion" and started going direy to the heart of God and not the institutions of man. I started meditation to be filled with so much love and peace that there is no room for the pain to live in. I trust Him with my doubts and sometimes disbelief, but He can take it and walk me through it and there is even more peace and more joy at the end. I hope that this fellow can find his own sense of peace and joy on whatever path he follows.

What happens if you don't realize that you don't have boundaries

You’re just amazing Anna. I’m so impressed by you! I resonate so much with all you speak of and I so wish I’d found you when I was at my low points. I often think how unacceptably lonely those times were, and how much someone like you can make a difference for women that are in those dark places right now. I can see what I might have done differently thanks to you, but also I am really proud of that woman that survived it all and is here ready to grow. I’m super proud of you too and thank you so much. Not just for your words (which are always so kind and such a contrast to the quick-hit talking heads we hear everyday) but for showing how to run an authentic and genuinely helpful business. You’re amazing! And you are so cute too fyi I love your hair and glasses!

Good Advice Thanks

I was thinking about this…You know the kind of person who will ask you to help them just to mock you and make a fool of you, just to make you the butt of the joke and then maybe tell someone else, look at how I can get them to do XYZ Ha ha ha. They are so stupid for doing XY and Z that I asked them to do for me, so gullible ha ha ha. They don't even see, that's more of a reflection on them.

I sent this to someone I care more about MORE THAN AIR. ❤❤❤❤. thank u sweety. Luv u