Why is it So Hard to Forgive Ourselves?

you already KNOW i have those notifications on kati!! <3

One thing that helps me is to understand that guilt is telling me that I want to be better. If someone doesn't feel guilty about something that they did to harm someone, they're not ready to improve as people. We feel guilt, we're telling ourselves that we would not do that again.

Nobody: My brain: Hey remember that stupid thing you did five years ago?

My therapist suggests that when a negative thought pops up, to acknowledge it, ask it what it wants, hug it, then tell thank you, that it’s not needed, and then move on.

Yesterday I started to feel self loathing and I began to ruminate. I looked right into the mirror and started talking to myself. I told myself I was beautiful, I’m a good person who works hard to be a good person and my brain is just being a dick. Talking back to that inner voice has been a saviour. Strengthen the kind voice and it’ll fire back at the mean one more and more and more.

I don't know why I just can't forgive myself. I hate how I was, I hate what I've become. I just can't move on from all the things I did. I tried forgiving myself but seeing the people I hurt still suffering from what I did, I just crumble and start to blame myself over and over again. I just think that I don't deserve forgiveness. This is the reason why I can't be happy and can't reconnect with my love ones.

"Hurting myself on purpose as tho to prove how sorry I am." This is very insightful

It’s hard to forgive myself because part of me knew better and I went forward anyway. I knew it’d most likely turn out badly but I didn’t know just how badly.

Not being able to say sorry is so hurtful, when you are barred from communication in a relationship. Makes self forgiveness even tougher.

Forgiving ourselves is challenging but must be done to move on with our lives.

It seems like your videos always just what I need when I need it. Thank you.

Ruminating over inaction hurts the most. Especially when that opportunity is forever gone, and there's not ever a next time with that person.

Sometimes I wake up and think, "the air I'm breathing rn could be used for someone who deserves it more...". This video hits me hard ☹️💔💚

I used to struggle with this so much. There were 2 things that helped me. 1) I imagine what I would say to a friend who had done those things I regret... I'm usually a lot kinder to others than I am to myself. If I can extend grace to others, I can extend grace to myself. 2) I'm a Christian, so forgiveness and grace is important in my faith. In my faith, I believe that Jesus died and paid the price for me so that I could be forgiven for all the hurtful and stupid things I've done. If God can forgive me, I'm forgiven. If God has grace for me, I can give grace to myself. I used to beat myself up (literally, I was a chronic self harmer) so much anytime I lost my temper or made a social blunder, or failed at goals, or relapsed in addiction. Once I realised that it's a process, not perfection, I was able to get stronger and be more gracious to myself and others. Anyone struggling, hang in there. Keep working at it and you will get better.

There's a reason J.K. Rowling decided one must focus on their happiest memory to conger a patronus. Depression and so forth can't stand in the face of the shiniest things in our lives. Thank you Kati! xoxoxoxox

I forgive myself but I struggle to forgive my brother who sexually abused and assaulted me for years as a child . But , I am in therapy now for it . Thank you for sharing, perfect timing.

Back when my depression was so much worse, because of my manipulative ex-partner I used to drown in self-hatery. Everyday I felt like I have to apologize (and sometimes I did for no reason; i didn't feel like I had to) and I've considered myself as the worst living person. One way for me was reasoning myself, looking for logic pattern, recognizing that I didn't mean to hurt somebody and I was just trying to do what I thought would work the best. The best way for me for stopping those nasty thoughts was also saying to myself stuff like "you're also a person, u can feel bad and u can feel happy. You can make mistakes and you'll learn from those mistakes. Everyobody makes mistakes". My therapists told me to wrote (in her presence) a sentence that said "Everybody makes mistakes. With each mistakes I can learn more". It had to be handwritten and everytime my negative thoughts went back I've pulled that card with that sentence and read it out loud. First step for me was actually letting myself to do mistakes, because it's a human thing. Sorry if spelling or grammar is incorrect, English isn't my native language. Hope everyone is having a great day and as always thanks for that video Katie, I'm really looking forward to watching your vids <3

MUSIC!! For those of us that have a hard time journaling, music was a good option for me. I've learned when i catch myself in this ruminating kind of thinking, i can now stop myself, say outloud "what am i doing? I need to stop!" and I'll turn on some feel good musicand play it, LOUD. Where i can't hear anything but the music. A few minutes later and i feel a better. Especially in the car or at night trying to sleep it's been most helpful.

Forgive yourself when you didn't know any better but don't forget. Memories and Guilt are to help you learn from your failures and not repeat them.

Definitely needed this today. I’ve been changing my behaviors, trying to be the person I want to be. But like you said, I truly feel like I SHOULD relive all the old stuff, because I feel like I deserve to hurt more. But like you said— remember where you came from, and one step at a time, move forward.