Selective Mutism in Autism & what helps me talk when I'm nonverbal

Before I got recently diagnosed with Autism/ADHD, a former friend of mine said that my sitting in silence at a casual group get together was "such an inconsiderate way of being". I didn't understand until my diagnosis why this (amongst other things she said) cut me so deep. Going non-verbal for me is such a deeply distressing state to be in, especially back when I didn't know what was happening. On the outside all people would see is me being cold/rude but on the inside my head is screaming, my tongue is so heavy and if I'm especially unlucky it can bring on a panic/anxiety attack. I've learnt that if someone can make me laugh that shot of dopamine can create a crack and my tongue starts getting lighter, but sometimes my mutism can last for days at a time. Knowing what I know now, it makes me that much more grateful to my mother and one of my friends who never pushed me to talk when I got like that. Even though they themselves didn't understand/know what was happening, they just patiently waited until I was ok again and their genuine kindess is something I'll never forget!! Thank you so much for speaking on this topic! It definitely needs to be better understood!

When I was a girl and a teen and even a young woman, some people very often told me: Why don't you talk? You are always silent! You never smile! You are so serious..." but I never felt like I couldn't talk physically, I always thought that I was VERY SHY, because that was what I learned since I was a very little girl: YOU ARE VERY SHY, and I defined myself like that. Now I mask and talk and smile a lot, but I feel free when I can be in silence and when nobody needs my smiles.

I wish the condition wasn't called "selective mutism" it sounds like we are choosing not to speak. We CANNOT speak. For me it is food too, I CANNOT eat sometimes and it takes time and energy to overcome and I'm left feeling stupid incompetent and alone because if I could just say it or eat then whatever problem would be solved but I just can't. It's the same struggle as "high functioning autism" I DON'T function highly but I am a person with HFA

I used to have this in high school. It was like a Force that blocked my throat. I think it was bc of social anxiety. I have the same thing with my partner. I fear judgment especially from him bc he is my person, he never judges me but i fear it so sometimes i dont talk much

If I can't talk I can't talk. No singing, no humming, no reading aloud... often I don't even realise that I don't speak unless someone asks me a question I can't answer with a nod, a head shake or a shoulder shrug. Fortunately so far it was rare and it never lasted long. But I live by myself, so maybe it happens more often than I'm aware of.

I saw someone begin calling selective mutism as a verbal shutdown and I feel like that made more sense to me. Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing your tips. It truly helps me understand myself a little more.

ASL helps me and my husband so much. I learned American Sign Language in high school as my foreign language and continued to learn it through college. I've found several times where I can sign what I have in my head but can't say it, and I've been teaching my husband some ASL for the same reason.

I have Selective Mutism, and for years was unable to use my voice to talk to friends (online via voice) or anyone. I got so tired of the isolation, and outcasting myself from friends I knew wanted me to use my voice, I actually started streaming so I could learn to use my voice in half-fluid conversations. My mutism came from not knowing how to respond normally/timely during conversation. But streaming helped A LOT. I actually get in voice chats now with people! I know I am still not great at conversation, but its nice to allow myself to be included.

Respectfully- it’s like your brain short circuits. Like the neurons got lost and had to turn around. Watching this was fascinating. I do it but not to that degree - I’m not on the spectrum and when my brain does it I can pull myself out of it. Thank you for being candid and vulnerable with us so we can see this.

As a child I was extremely quiet, I would never talk in school and had outbursts at home. I was teased incredibly bad and as an adult I wondered how I had friends but I figured out it was because the ones I attracted were the overbearing ones that would pinch me and hit me or boss me around. This is something I had to come to terms with as an adult. I never knew I was neurodiverse just that I had a learning disability. I am middle aged so there was not a lot of support in the eighties. I was constantly shamed for my differences. It took forty years to realize this and am constantly learning about neurodiversity and how to accept myself and all of my traits. Also, I process slower than many people so if I am thrown a nasty comment or off conversation I think about it later and get upset I didn’t say anything in the moment. Thank you for these videos, it really helps.

I learned sign language and made my companion learn it as well. Sometimes accessing my voice is just not on the table, but i still want to express myself.

I had that today. I was really upset at a specific change while I was on a date with my boyfriend and my boyfriend got upset at me because he thought I was purposely ignoring him. And then once I was able to talk again, I asked him "do you ever get that feeling where you can't talk and it almost feels as if your choking?" When he replied "no," I realized that this might be another thing that has to do with my autism. There were so many times growing up and my dad would get so angry and raise his voice at me. But then I would just keep sitting there in silence because the words wouldn't come out. My head would be full of thoughts but then there was this really strong choking feeling deep down in my throat. I just always assumed that everyone around me had that too but were able to push through that choking feeling. It's just so fascinating to me every time I find a part of me that's actually my autism. I really love this channel because I get to see all these little things being talked about throughout the videos and on the comments:)

I feel so seen, heard and understood by this video and your channel in general. Everything that you said down to the emotions and sensations you feel when you're non verbal i related to, it almost made me tear up. When this would happen i would feel misunderstood and judged, i didn't have the labels or language to make other people understand. Another thing about this selective mutism is having trouble connecting thoughts to words and speech. i feel stupid and unintelligent when I am so eloquently spoken in my inner monologue. Its really fustrating!

I been struggling with the same thing my whole life. And the most difficult part for me it’s that people have been rejecting me since I was a kid because of my boring and silent behavior. So I became someone that it’s impossible to me to get out of my house because I think people gone judge me and look at me weird. I have tried to tell my parents about this and about that deep anxiety it causes me and the only thing they say it’s : “ You have no problem, what are you talking about”. When I’ve been trying to express myself to them because I can’t stand it anymore and they just make me feel like I’m been so stupid or just making drama, and that I need be mature enough. What I have created a endless circle of depression, anxiety and anger, that I prefer not talk about and suffer in silent. I have no friends. And I barely use social media to communicate with others.

As a kid I always became nonverbal at sleepovers. When it was time to go bed, I'd just stop talking even if the other girls were still up and talkative, and there was no way to get to me to speak in the morning. I wasn't diagnosed until last year, so now those situations make much more sense to me, especially since I remember always dreading sleepovers. Now I often become nonverbal at work which is a problem. I have to force myself to respond to customers and coworkers, but sometimes I just physically cannot, and will result to nodding, pointing, etc.

This explains SO much about how I communicate!! I always just felt “stupid” for not being able to verbalize or not being able to speak coherently. Sometimes it’s like my brain won’t put words together at all or puts the wrong words together or in the wrong order. My ideal life - and a major goal - is to go off grid! I’m an avid gardener already, and used to canning and cooking and stuff. I’ve been researching (obsessively) things that are necessary for homesteading and going off grid. Singing was a tool I developed as a kid because I was in a choir. It helped to make my school experience a bit easier. I have always been an avid reader as well, but my favorite out-loud reading is when I’m reading the Bible or my inspirational Bible verses for the day.

I (an autistic person) become nonverbal when I feel extreme pain or complex emotions which is the worst time to lose the ability to communicate. For example when I have a fever I can't call for help. Other than that I can't talk when I'm tired/annoyed or sometimes I just have nonverbal days where I can force myself to slowly say a few easy sentences, mostly excuses like "I'm tired" or "head hurts".

For years I wondered what was wrong with me. Every time I'm in an unfamiliar social environment, it's like I feel a tightness in my throat and chest and can't think of what to say or how to respond to what people tell me, and I struggle to barely let out a quiet, almost coerced voice. People who know me have told me that it is a very inconsistent part of my personality, because under normal circumstances I'm a very articulate person, I am at ease forming complex sentences in my mind but when I'm in an unfamiliar situation I go blank. It was a very frustrating experience growing up because it made me unable to make friends or have any normal social interaction. As I approached my 20's I started to slowly overcome it, but at times it's still hard to speak when I feel uncomfortable, but with much less intensity than in my teenage years.

oh man. I think this has been a part of my life forever. my own parents/grandparents used to mock me for my blank face & lack of verbal responses :( they used to laugh bc the only word I would say was "no". developed horrible coping methods and am now no contact with most of the individuals who did not love me how I am. I am lucky now to have a partner who understands many of my struggles. its pretty sad to me that most people take one look at me and pin me as a bad guy bc of my face and overall demeanor, meanwhile I know I wouldn't even hurt a fly... they just think I'm a Mean Girl bc of the way I look, and often I don't have the energy to show how kind I am. so I just let everyone think what they want... its easier even though it hurts. I too desire to live on a farm surrounded by plants and animals :) oddly my cats have always understood me, yet people rarely feel like they understand cats. how goofy

I'm not sure if I'm autistic or if it's just social anxiety, but I do go through episodes where it requires efforts for me to talk, once I do I can go over this feeling and words will flow quite naturally (despite occasional stutter or weird phrasing), but I was wondering why I don't feel like talking at all. It was to a point where I considered (and still wish) to learn sign langage. So I could at least show people I was willing to communicate, just not verbally. When I get overwhelmed I occasionally shut down in a way I can't talk. If I try to, I will fall in tears.