Unmasking Stims! - Learning to be Autistic Episode 21

The dancing bit has me laughing so hard, because it’s SO true. I always say, “I always dance like no one is watching, because I only dance when nobody is watching.” 😂

Thank you for this I'm 36 next month and we JUST realized I'm autistic. My autism was blamed on childhood trauma and my dad abused my stims out of me. I'm desperately trying to unmask

I remember a lot of stims when I was a kid, not flapping, but "drumming" with my fingers, on everything, all the time, until it hurt. I guess that was annoying, because then I remember curling my toes inside my shoes (obviously, you can't see it, it didn't bother anyone). Also swing on the chair (I mean, using normal chair as a rocker; I was scolded many times because I broke several doing that) While ago, reading comments, I remembered that I liked to spend hours in bed, with one arm or leg in a perfect vertical position, so that its own weight kept it up, in "balance." And then let it fall, as if it were inert. And I only remembered that when someone else mentioned it as stim, I had completely forgotten about it. Now as an adult, I think I just maintain certain vocal things, mumbling and humming songs, pretty much all the time (especially when I'm happy/relaxed, many times someone else has pointed it out).

Greetings from Denmark 🙋‍♀ I also used to think I didn't stim- and found out that oh yes, I do 😄 I stim mostly when I am concentrating. I will often pinch/pull at the skin on my neck (not hard), I rub my hands, tap my fingers, bite my lips/cheeks (not hard), bounce and shake my foot/feet when I'm sitting, scrunch my toes in my shoes, rock/ sway slowly from side to side especially if I am standing waiting for something...there are more, but those are the most common.

I'm starting to wonder: what do neurotypical people even DO when they're alone, if not stim?

My most endearing stim is a mini version of cheering with your fists in the air, which is with my elbows against my side, my arms bent up, with little excited shaking of my fists close in front of my chest.

I have loads of stims for each sensory category. I'm a leg bouncer, I love to crank up the music in the car and sing, I also love swings and teeter totters when I have someone else with me. I've also been a tap dancer most of my life and I love doing small combos and exercises to stim, or just paradiddles or paddle 'n rolls (look em up, very repetitive and fun that anyone can do in any shoes). Also very fun words to say. Do many stims I can't list them all. But it's how I get through life and when people ask if I'm okay (they always assume I'm anxious but I have stims for many occasions or casually relaxing/self soothing), I say, "yeah, are you?" 😆

Just about everybody 'stims' if take a looser interpretation of the term. It depends whether clinically significant for diagnosis. Needing to move for grounding or to discharge energy is completely normal and healthy, IMO. When I leg jiggle etc, it's when I feel anxious and it happens without my noticing it. Movement to music helps my mental health a lot. I often go euphoric doing it.

I also like swinging / rocking back on chairs. I'd really like to go on swings but as an adult it looks strange to many people so I don't do it. Spinning is good but rocking feels best. I also like to crack my toes but can only do it on my right foot - it doesn't always work but when it does it sounds great! These are all things though I either do in private or if I do them in public it's very subtle. I suppose this is one of the differences with classic autism where those with it can't control their stims or their stims are very obvious.

Oh my god, explaining your behaviour using an analogy to YTPs resonates with me on a spiritual level🙏 I should also keep an eye out for a secluded swingset nearby; there really isn't anything in adult life that adequately replicates that feeling, and until just now I didn't even notice how much I miss it.

How is your mind-body connection? I've been thinking... Blocking out your impulse to stimm, preventing you from stimming, for years and years, it must do something to the connection between your mind and body. And I wonder if that's what I'm experiencing... I avoid yoga because it's emotionally overwhelming. I remember how as a child I used to get so excited I felt it in every cell of my body and it made me dance. I'd love to feel that happy, inspired, and excited again. But some internal police tells me no, that's too much, you'd have to feel your body and you don't want to feel your body. Of course stress and anxiety has a role in this. Avoiding feeling those to keep yourself functional in every day life. Because if I stopped and felt all the stress I'd just get a melt down and then I'd be in even more trouble. But could I have managed my stress better if I had allowed myself to stimm? To find a healthy way of relieving those negative feelings in the body..?

Very interesting video. It's the first time I hear of music/dancing as a stim. I am a painter and I have very loud music playing while I paint - I have about 2000 songs/pieces of all genres of music mingled into about 5 playlists. Painting without music is deafening and empty. While I'm painting I sing along, and when I hit those various "I don't know" moments or "this or that" moments, I will sit and stare for a while and when a 'good' song for dancing comes up, I will have to get up and dance - some would probably call it aggressively flailing around. The dancing removes the stress of not knowing, of hesitation and helps me to the next step. I cannot sing (tone deaf) and have no sense rhythm so this is definitely not something I would do if there is anyone around.

I think rocking has an effect on the vague nerve. It feels extremely good. I do it on an office chair (those like gaming ones) and it frees my throat, neck and my breathing, and my entire nervous system benefits from it :) Thank you so much for sharing 🥰💜

When I watch something, sometimes I will get up from my chair, walk around in a circle, and then sit back down. I also love the vocal stims. I’m a major space nut so I often quote prior missions, usually if I’m alone.

OMG I LOVE YOU THANK YOU!! Watching this video just gave me a BREAKTHROUGH I’ve had the worst phone addiction for years and I just realised it’s because it’s socially accepted stim!!!!! The tapping and the games and the SCROLLLING sensation goes back to even using a desktop computer OMG THANK YOU XXXX

i just remembered as a kid on the swings, i used to twist the chains together (by spinning round) then let it spin back. I loved the jumpy feeling when it stopped. I am autistic and big on stims.

(hi new subscriber here, self diagnosed very recently😅)This just made me think and remember the different ways I used to stim as a kid and that I changed for other "more normal" ones to not get laughed at, working on being back on being myself.

I related to SO much in this video! I also didn’t know of any stims to tell the psychologist who diagnosed me about, and then the more I’ve learned and the more I’ve tried to unmask, the more stims I’ve discovered! Learning how to flap has honestly been the hardest one because I had to try it several different ways to find one that feels right, and I still have to remind myself when I feel like flapping that it’s okay and good to do it. I kind of want to try dancing as a strategy to help with executive dysfunction now. That sounds really fun and like it might actually work!

We have a lot of the same stims!! I'm only just recently starting to learn to unmask, but some things came out on their own once I wasn't around people from my childhood anymore. They got used to the kid who bottled everything up and tried to be "normal", so it weirded them out when I stopped trying.

My stims tend to be situational. If I am in a loud environment I tend to be more vocal in my stims to drown the noise a bit. When I'm really stressed and overstimulated I will rock and pace. but I only rock when I am alone. Lots of hand stims like doing the finger dances, finger drumming or rubbing wrists against eachother. Due to anxiety unfortunately also bad ones like dermatillomania and dermatophagia. My knuckels and the skin around my fingers being the worst. Echolalia when I feel I need to repeat a sound. I have a lot of them.