Why I Hated My First Year at CalArts 😢STORY TIME

If you realized there are thousands of artists better than you only when you went to college, your childhood was just incredible

Transferred to SCAD just last year at the age of 22 coming from community college. I can tell a lot of the younger students are really struggling, and I think me being older makes a big difference. It’s amazing what a few more years of life experience will do to your mindset and social skills.

I’m in my first year of a small Christian college as an animation student, currently trying to look into transfer options because I am MISERABLE but also scared of going out into the real world. This is super helpful advice both for making the most out of my current situation and what to keep in mind while transferring. Thank you Michelle!!

I relate so much to the "omg they're all infinitely better than me" fear and not wanting to draw in front of others. Even now I still have the issue with not being able to simplify. If its not show stopping and emotional, then I'm not trying hard enough/its a bad idea. Even though numerous people do simple ideas all the time and do great, my mind can't comprehend that for myself. I can't even sketch because of it because I feel like I'm wasting time when I could be making something amazing, especially since I work very slow.

Im currently in my 2nd year of film school @ sheridan and like others in here, im utterly miserable. I wanna switch into animation but im scared of dropping out, I don’t know if school is 100% necessary and im kinda freaking out. I relate a lot to this video and The fact that u made it past ur hardships is super inspiring to me :) ty for making this vid!

what you said about realising you ‘wasted’ a whole year because of your inner doubts and reservations REALLY resonated with me…it’s so hard to realise this and yet have trouble breaking out of the cycle! Thank you for always being so frank and vulnerable with us, it really helps to know that other people were able to get through challenges like these

I really feel the fear part 😭 i study animation in Japan so culture’s different which makes me feel my experience is the opposite (enjoyment first then fear comes in later). I’m a third year trying to build my portfolio to prepare for the job search in my last year.

I really appreciate these videos! I definitely empathise with those feelings as well, I just turned 18 and I'm going to Uni before (hopefully) going to CalArts, and I 100% need to deal with that fear that I am currently in the process doing, and by the time I apply, I hope I get over it and get in, and I really love that you give a realistic and honest view of it, in a way, it motivates me as well so thank you so much Michelle!

I went to a different art school, but I wish I was able to overcome that fear myself. I spent 4 years there alone, afraid of others and afraid of putting myself out there, only to drop out with a year left because it became too much stress and was super unhealthy for me. I still learned a lot, but it made me afraid of art itself, and of failure, and I'm currently working through those things on my own so that I can learn to love art again. Of course, a lot of this had to do with just the professors and mindset of the school in general (I feel it was pretty toxic), but still. If I was able to overcome those fears my first or second year, I could probably have had a much better time and actually made new friends and built up a little support system. I'm both glad I'm not the only one who has dealt with this, and also sorry that others have felt this way too. Our feelings are valid, but I wish we didn't have to feel this way. (Also, dropping out was honestly the best decision I could have made in my situation, and I'm so much happier now. I just wanted to talk about my experience, haha)

i don’t plan on going to art school but i can relate to being really scared when finally being around other artists… in high school i took a couple advanced art classes where most of the people taking the class were art students. i was really scared of how the other students would perceive my art so i never showed it unless it was for critiques. 😿 i regret not being more outgoing around my classmates, since i feel like a lot of them seemed like cool people.

Thanks so much for keeping this real, I feel the same a lot!! I’m so glad someone else can relate

thank you for talking about this! i was at my first year of animation school at esma last year but i had a very similar expirience to yours, i luckly made one friend there but i couldn't keep up with the subjects because the school leans very heavily on how well you do in terms of grades, and the first year is incredibly rough on the grades. i sadly didn't pass because of a combination of my mental health and the school not helping out much, but i want to go back there and have a more mature experience, thanks for sharing your story! also my deepest condolences for your grandfather

This will be my first year at design college. I am really inspired by your videos and work. Thank you so much queen!

I loved this video! As someone in whos in a small artschool and struggling with a lot of insecurities about my art I always thought people at calarts didn't have to deal with insecurities because all the animations and sketchbooks I've seen were so good!

You explaining your first year feel is so funny to me, because it’s super relatable 😆 And I’m happy you talked about the lonely part of college too. I’m back in college, and I have a terrible time making other friends. I just refuse to put myself out there and I always make excuses. I’m happy I wasn’t the only one with this problem

this is legit so relatable 😭 so happy you're in a better place now, you deserve everything!!

Thank you so much for making this video! I've been following your channel in several other accounts ever since you uploaded "Endlessly", and this video really means a lot to me. I live in a 3rd world country but I want to be a professional illustrator one day after school is over, but stuff like finances are always a worry of mine. And I've always wanted to go to college overseas too, but I'm really scared I won't be able to fit in or learn properly, even if my english skills aren't bad. So this video really reassured me, knowing that someone as cool as you went through hardships too, and that despite it all you still reached success. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences so honestly

I'm so glad you made this video. I just finished my first year at CalArts and had mostly the same issues that you talked about. I made a group of friends outside of Character towards the beginning of the year, and I clung onto them. When our group eventually broke apart, I realized I didn't have many friends, and that most people in our program had no idea what I really was like. Instead of trying to fix that, I wallowed and got all depressed feeling like I wasn't going to make it. I've already made a promise to myself that 2nd year is going to be different, and this video definitely helped to make that change! Thank you!!

Hi Michelle! This is literally my first year ay CalArts, and omg I relate so much with so many things you have been saying trough the video! I have been feeling so many similar emotions as your first year, so I am glad I am not the only one because I thought I was going crazy. Thank you for sharing your experience, I have been learning that I must heal many parts of myself in order to enjoy Calarts, thank you truly for this! It has encouraged me to keep going.

This is really helpful. I’m a first year architecture student and there’s so much I enjoy abt it but there’s also some things I hate too. Ik I’m going to get my butt kicked by this major but I’m really determined to make it all the way through