You might be Alone for the Rest of Your Life - No Big Whoop!

Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on YouTube. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on YouTube. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions __ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz __ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community __ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate __ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

Watching this while being alone, and my ex-husband is remarried, I had an epiphany. Yes, society agrees that being in a loving mutually respectful romantic relationship with another adult is ideal. However, the least desirable is being in an abusive manipulative relationship. Therefore, being single is not the worst, it is just in the middle which is not bad!!!

Being alone for 23 years; Is not the fear of being alone, Is the fact that you know there's a feeling you won't get to know. I'ts envy in my case.

It's not a fear of being alone. It's about having someone to share ideas with...someone to call on the phone who cares to hear from me...I love being alone. But it would be nice to get a call from someone who asks how I'm doing.

I've reached a stage at almost 60, where I'm comfortable with the idea of living the rest of my life without a partner. I enjoy my own company and the freedom to do as I please. In fact, the loneliest times in my life have been during relationships. The men in those relationships were emotionally unavailable. They lacked the love, warmth, respect, compassion and empathy I need in a romantic relationship. I stayed because I didn't have enough love and compassion for myself. Now I do. So unless I meet someone with those qualities who makes me feel special and loved, I'd rather be single and surround myself with great friends who love me just for being me.

I am healing from an abusive relationship. It lasted a total of 42Yrs. Almost MY who life. Being single has taught me how to be ME!! I have learned that the peace and quiet is so splendid l am at peace with ME! If l am alone for the rest of my life it is well with my soul. I LOVE ME!!! Alone 💕 thank you Alan💪🏼

at 67, still a male virgin, and never had a gf, nothing I did worked to find a partner , you can still be happy and successful as a single person

There is no greater loneliness than to be lonely in couple. Being with yourself can be more fullfiling than with somebody ho gives you cold schoulder.

I told a co-worker about this very video and he literally recoiled in horror... I told him about my belief that I would not end up married with children, a wife, or even long-term girlfriend and how this video helps me accept it, and he was speechless... Some people are terrified at the prospect of being alone for the rest of their lives, and would prefer toxic positivity, i.e. "there's someone for everyone", than dip their to in the figurative pool of reality...

Building a relationship is such an investment in time, adaptation and patience, that when in the end you realize the person just wasn't right, you need to ask yourself is it worth going through again. Being alone is freedom from all of this.

I come back to this video every few months when I feel this primal panic about being alone forever. It’s soothes me like nothing else does. I am so grateful for Alan and his wisdom. As I fold laundry by myself late on a Friday night, I am OK with my reality. Whatever is to be for me, it will be OK..

Solitude can be a beautiful thing. I was coupled for decades. Now I am single and there really is no difference in happiness. It's a lot like money. Money doesn't make you happy. Neither does a relationship. We have been brainwashed into thinking we need to have these things. We don't. We are just fine and enough all by ourselves.

So I am an attractive, positive female who keeps myself in shape. Have been single for over 10 years. The few boyfriends that I have had were all in relationships while dating me, or the guys that hit on me and we exchange numbers ghost me or stand me up. I was always made to feel like something is wrong with me by my family and even strangers. After being depressed for years about it. I have learned to just enjoy my life and have no expectations of being in a relationship with anyone. Now I am working on building the life I want. I have moaned the narrative of being married and having kids. It's is very powerful to let go of feeling defective for not being in a relationship. Powerful video!

From the age of 27 years, I've had crappy, unhealthy relationships. I had serious abandonment issues, PTSD, rape etc cos of an abusive childhood. I've gradually healed from it, I'm now 48 years old. I've also had a tough adult life, with no support, loneliness, rejection etc. All my life, I was forced to be a caretaker​. I grew up surrounded by Narcissists in my family. I've come to some sort of peace n acceptance that I may be alone for the rest of my life. I'm ok with this idea now. I've been forced to live with some very abusive family members. I'd rather live alone than be with someone who hurts me. I'm recovering from Codependency, contented with the fact I may live alone, be the best person as I could possibly be so when I meet my maker, I am able to stand and rejoice that at least I have healed and found my true self.

A man was digging in the trash to find food behind my place.. he waved at me when I looked out the window. We all have problems but this man that waved is starving & hungry no food. Have to be grateful for what we do have I feel.. a bed, a place to live, etc..etc..

my husband left when I was 47. I'm now 57 and have never gone on one date since he left and I can assure you I WILL be alone for the rest of my life. By design.

I’m ok with being alone for the rest of my life. I find myself feeling the opposite. I don’t feel safe in relationships.

Not to go in a different direction, but once my hormone levels plummeted, I simply didn't care anymore. This blows my mind because it indicates that my whole life has been controlled by my stupid hormones! That's not an excuse NOT to do my own inner work, and I am doing it, but I feel so FREE now! Finding a man is no longer this big important thing that I have to do. I'm free at last!

At 48, I'm realizing that just because you did the right thing and cut off that bad relationship, this does not guarantee that the empty space that you've now made available for the right person will ever be occupied. Sometimes I feel punished for doing the hard and right thing. Not many people are brave enough to cut ties and be willing to wait with empty hands.

I know I will be alone for the remainder of my life and I'm fine with it. I've lived long enough to have been through marriage, crazy relationships, drama etc etc. I'm 54 yrs old now. I am not interested in dating or a partner. I absolutely love my life (freedom). There's nothing to miss. The ONLY thing I get concerned about at times is praying my health will always be good enough and I will never need help.