Forgiveness Is Not What You Think—The Work of Byron Katie®
108,924
Published 2018-05-29
"Forgiveness," Katie says, "is knowing that what I believed happened, didn't necessarily happen. I can put all of these negative thoughts on you like post-its. These are my thoughts; they're not you. And I'm blaming you for being the person I believe you to be. I've made you an enemy.
"I'm the one doing that to you; you're never doing it to me. That's forgiveness. Seeing that what I thought happened, didn't.
"Now I can put these judgments on a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet and question them. With this inquiry we can find ourselves not only in a state of forgiveness, but in a state of connectedness with the person we were judging.
"You didn't change. I questioned what I believed about you, and forgiveness happened. No one can separate me from another human being; I'm the only one who can do that. If I'm not connected, that's on me. I look to what I'm thinking and believing.
"And if I've done anything out of that unkind, believing mind, I admit it, apologize, and make it right when I can, but only when I'm sincere about it. And this can be very humbling. It's quite a turnaround for the ego."
"The hardest part,"Armin says, "is giving up the perceived need to be right, to attack, to judge, and to not feel how much it hurts."
"If I want to be right," Katie says, "that's my first clue that it's time for me to identify what I'm thinking and believing about this other human being, write the judgments and assumptions down, question them, and turn them around, so that I can see that human being for who they really are. If I have an enemy, that's on me, not them. So we're talking about complete and total forgiveness.
"It can take time,"Armin says, "to do this process of forgiveness through The Work. But it can be completed."
"Yes," says Katie. "When we ask 'Is it true?' we have to get still and meditate on that question to see what meets it. And what meets it is big. It will shift you right out of your identity. What meets the question is your own wisdom."
"Oh my God!" Armin says, with tears in his eyes. "Okay, I think I haven't understood The Work. Oh my God! This is deep! What a relief! Thank you, Katie. Then, in that stillness, you have access to what is true. Oh! Thank you. And now I realize that there is no way to forgive unless you have access to that."
"It's the beginning of the end of the war in you," Katie says. "Just now. It's a gift, this recognition. And your tears are only the physical evidence of the recognition, this flower opening and petals falling. It's beautiful."
Armin sits in silence, then gently begins to laugh. "Thank you...wow!" he says, wiping away a tear. "Can I ask one more question? What happened on the floor when the cockroach crawled over your foot?"
"I saw how the entire world was created," Katie says. "The world is nothing until it's named. And it's still nothing until you believe that name. The Work was born on that floor. I saw that nothing was true. How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought? I saw that the entire world was created in that moment. And who would I be without the thought is me prior to believing the thought. And the opposites are as true or truer. So it's all left up to the mind to determine.
"Many people have had experiences of realization. The difference for me is that The Work was given to me at the same time, so that the realization could be maintained and nurtured. The inquiry is alive in me. It's alive! Everything just naturally ends in a question mark. It's the questioning mind. For people who invite this into their mediation practice, eventually it becomes a part of their mind as well. It's a practice until finally it takes hold of us. But that takes a very open mind. It takes stillness. It's not about emptying the mind; it's about surrendering to the mind, and just offering 'Is it true?' to the mind."
"I'd say that's discipline in the best sense," Armin says.
The enlightened mind has nothing to forgive. — Byron Katie
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All Comments (21)
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The WORK is like Acim in a nutshell. Forever grateful BK.
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What a blessing! I wish all males would allow their hearts to crack open loke this man's did. My witnessing of his heart opening has restored my faith thank you
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28:46 "... It's not about emptying the mind ... it's about allowing, or surrendering to, the mind; just offering up an "is it true?" to the mind is child-like enough to entertain it!" ... thank you Katie.
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When I see the tears start in some of these videos, my heart is love exploding. I always envision Ego losing its grip and the crying is the release into and the soaring into the truth/relief/love. I love this experience into freedom. It is a trip.<3
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“These tears are part of the leaving.” So touching to see someone be innocent and vulnerable. That really helps! ❤️
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If we are in fear we feel we are protected...YES. This is so helpful. Our fear is not a position we want to hold onto. No matter how “right” we feel.crying too here.
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17:50 It's so moving to see (and hear) realisation hit ... the beautiful self is exposed through the tears of our joyful aspect at our finally understanding/recognising. 20:00 "... through the beautiful gift of now ... flowers opening, petals falling ..." Thank you Katie: it can't be said any better.
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I am humbled by the silence and pure recognition that they share at 29:07. This is just beautiful.
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Really powerful, "This is why we can't end war in the world". We have the way to peace, and it so simple. I just want to cry. I choose to let the things in life take over and keep myself closed from this enlightenment. Thank you for uploading these videos, with you r teachings.
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What a beaaauuutiful transmission - from Katie and Armit both. Thank you .
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Danke für dieses schöne Video mit Katie, lieber Armin. Der Moment deiner Erkenntnis war sehr berührend . The Work ist der beste Weg zur Freiheit den ich kenne , täglich wird man mehr zu sich selbst und es braucht niemanden außer mir selber um mich zu befreien. Totale Eigenverantwortung ! Wie Du so schön sagtest, sehr radikal.
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exquisite presence shared - thank you both of you.
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"If I have an enemy, that is on me; not the other way around." Sometimes that is true, but not always. Almost always, when there is an 'enemy' relationship, both (or all) parties have done wrong and helped to create or at least worsen that relationship. But that is not necessarily so. "The enlightened mind has nothing to forgive." How can that be true except if one were to say that they have actually and truly already forgiven all of the real wrongs that have been done to us by others and all of the real wrongs that we have done to ourselves. I agree that we absolutely must examine our thinking about others and questioning the post-it notes we stick on them. But that is not the whole story! Others DO do wrong sometimes, and real, honest, costly forgiveness is required. I have come to understand that real forgiveness means "the one wronged pays the price for the one who did the wrong." And there is always a price to pay. Forgiveness means "to cancel a debt," and the debt is as real as the wrong that was committed. Neither the debt nor the wrong are necessarily imagined. They are often very real. "The slap only hurts in the past." That is just not true! "There is nothing to forgive." That is just not true either! Physical slaps do not just hurt in the past. And just like physical hurts can and sometimes do leave lasting - and even life-long! - scars and wounds that do not fully heal (to a place of full restoration), social/emotional hurts leave lasting scars and wounds that do not always heal fully either. That is part of that very real price that is paid for forgiveness. "If I see you as an enemy, I am insane." Sometimes that might be true! It is entirely possible for someone to imagine another as there enemy when it has little or no bearing in reality. But that is certainly not always true. "I saw that nothing was true." Please help me here: what does this even mean? If nothing is true, then how could you "see" that (perceive that, understand that)? If nothing is true, how could you even think such a thought? If nothing is true, then by what standard do we judge something to be untrue? I am not asking this rhetorically! Please explain this.
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Wish I understood!!!! Thank's so much for this.
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19:10 "there is no other way". True. <3
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Thank you !
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Trank You for sharing!
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Soooooo greeeeat , God bless you katie and your friend. I’m Arabic and I follow you
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each - every recording seems apt and brilliant - without a past or future, nothing happens and there is nothing to forgive - yes radical - thank you so much BK, thanks so much Armin and thanks for uploading ...hope this really really spreads and gets really really integrated by 'me'!!!!
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Beautiful and amazing realisation.
